Day 15 - Cleaning Out the Freezer

Spanish Chicken and Rice (from "Real Simple" magazine)

Seriously. About cleaning out the freezer. There are things in the freezer that we brought from the old house. Some of them went into the garbage can a few days ago (too much old bread saved for bread pudding). Some chicken breast meat became dinner tonight. From my box of saved recipes I brought out "Spanish chicken and rice" from the October 2007 issue of "Real Simple."

According to "Real Simple" this is an easy dinner and is heart-healthy. Basically it's a version of paella, of which there are jillions of variations. It's a one-skillet meal, which is good, and easy to cook, which is good, but the mis en place does take some time. With frozen peas and canned diced tomatoes, this recipe would not pass the Alice Waters test, but (as I've said before) I'm not a purist. I just want to learn to cook, which means I need to cook. And it's such fun! I have a notebook full of clipped recipes that are worth keeping. This one will go into it. It would feed 4-6, depending on what else was served. Guests could get involved with the mis en place. The flavors would appeal to most everyone, and the ingredients are familiar. And, it was a pretty tasty dinner -- Randy loved it. Sprinkle chopped parsley on top and anything looks upscale; that's my opinion.

Our old house is in escrow, but I'm not at all sure the deal won't fall through. I won't even publish my opinion of the buyer, but to say that he wants something for nothing and wants our 35 year old house to be in the pristine condition of new construction. It ain't gonna happen. I worry about these things and was wide awake from 4 a.m. to 7 a.m. At least I made good use of the time, hauling boxes of stuff upstairs from the foyer to my studio.

Our project manager was here this morning working on the weather stripping on our front door. It's an artisan-made door from Santa Fe, gorgeous, but something of a challenge. Fortunately, we love our project manager. And we all love the door.

This afternoon Randy and I had lattes at Randy's favorite coffee house, bought a few groceries at Trader Joe's, and finished emptying 1 of our 2 storage lockers. Yeah! The end is near. Er, maybe I should find a better way to phrase that.

I am reading Thomas McNamee's biography of Alice Waters. At the end of Chapter 3 he writes, "Alice decided to cook her way straight through Elizabeth David's 'French Provincial Cooking'." Julie Powell cooked her way through Julia Childs. Alice Waters cooked her way through Elizabeth David. Sally Knight is cooking her way through Alice Waters. Interesting. There really is nothing new under the sun.

I must also add that as I go along my own learning-to-cook path, I grow more and more in awe of Julie Powell. Regardless of Julie's motivation, what she did was remarkable. To make everything in Childs' book on top of working full-time, and to do it in 1 year, is astonishing.

I'm going to spend the rest of the evening relaxing, not worrying, and not hauling boxes of stuff around. The rest of you? Carry on.

Day 14 - Leftovers and a Radiocat

Good thing there was plenty of Torta left over from last night since I only had the energy to ask Randy to nuke some of it for dinner tonight. I had to drive to San Mateo and back today to bring Maizie Jane Valentine home from Radiocat where she was treated for hyperthyroidism. A total of nearly 8 hours of driving. I had contemplated going to Chez Panisse in Berkeley for lunch (again) before heading to San Mateo, but with the Bay Bridge closed I decided it wasn't feasible. Judging from the back-up of vehicles waiting to cross the San Mateo Bridge that I just barely avoided coming and going, it was the right decision.

My big thrill for the day was a stop at the Gilroy Outlets for underwear. I did find a snuggly bathrobe, too. That was a good thing. I didn't have one. Can't run around in the house in the nude all the time.... Otherwise, I just drove straight up there and, with Maizie in tow, straight back. Lunch was a bag of Chex Mix and a bag of honey roasted peanuts that I picked up when I stopped for gas. What a come-down!

I'm delighted to have Maizie home again. She's a good cat, a lively cat, who's quite engaged with the other cats and with her people. Amazingly, she knew exactly when we got to the freeway exit that leads to home. She stood straight up and meowed all the way from that point to home.

And, of course, I'm hauling some more of my stuff up the stairs to my studio. I'm so looking forward to getting back to my work up there once everything is unpacked and put away.

Day 13 - A Recipe I Need to Tweek a Little

Simple Tomato Sauce, the out-of-season version (pg 264)

Polenta Torta (pg 95)

served with mixed greens dressed with clean-out-the-frig dressing gussied up

Ya live, ya learn. Or not. Since Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week are all pretty much shot in the nether region, I hit the ground running at 6:30 this morning. Unpacked and washed and put away a ton of dish (we own 7 or 8 tons all together). Did a mountain of laundry. Carried dozens and dozens of boxes of stuff upstairs. And still planned on making Polenta Torta for dinner. When will I learn to ALWAYS read through all the recipes FIRST?! Turns out that it takes some time to make the polenta and I still wanted to get another load of boxes from storage and maybe get to the Atascadero farmers market.

Shoot. Time was growing short. So I decided to just make the torta with store-bought pre-prepared polenta. Searched the Von's supermarket about 3 times before finally tracking down an employee to help. No polenta! The store had NO POLENTA!! Went to the Albertson's, which is huge. Went to customer service. Four additional employees and 1 store manager later, someone finally managed to find one roll of polenta. What the hell do these people eat in this town??? For all that, I could have stayed home and made the darned stuff from scratch. OTOH, I did get another load of boxes from storage. That's something. And dinner was on the table at 7 p.m., not 11 p.m. as it otherwise might have been.

I made the torta with the out-of-season canned-tomato version of Simple Tomato Sauce, and used the hard-won store-bought polenta, adding sauteed sliced mushrooms to the sauce. It was darned tasty, but my tomato sauce was way too runny. Less of the canning liquid, or some roux to thicken the sauce, or time to reduce it, or something. Or run it through the blender. Or use fresh tomatoes when in season. Something. The torta was pretty runny. Using from-scratch polenta would have helped, too. So, this one I need to make again with a thicker sauce.

However, the end product was delicious. Even with 5 cloves of garlic, the overall flavor was mild. I thought that was a nice change from the highly-flavored foods we're all used to. We forget what simple food tastes like.

I just tweeked some bottled salad dressing to put over greens. There are things in the fridge I want to get rid of and I'm too cheap to just throw them out. With a little fresh lime juice squeezed onto the whole thing and some red Hawaiian salt sprinkled about, the salad was pretty good. Okay, not my best meal so far, but not a total melt-down either.

I probably won't be cooking tomorrow since I have to go back up to San Mateo to retrieve Maizie. The report is that she's done very well while at Radiocat. I'm not surprised. Maizie is about the most easy-going cat I've ever known. She's a total sweetheart.

Carry on, loyal readers.

That's 11 recipes down and 294 to go.

Day 12 - Eat Seasonally

Alice's second principle of good cooking is Eat Seasonally.

I remember that when growing up in Wisconsin in the 50s and early 60s, eating seasonally in the winter meant canned tuna/peas/mushroom soup over toast. Pork chops and potatoes. Liver and onions. Casseroles. Iceberg lettuce. But oh! The summer bounty! Watermelon, fresh-caught fish (caught by Dad), tomatoes, corn on the cob, asparagus we harvested from along the railroad tracks, berries from country road-side patches. Fall meant a wealth of apples. Oceans of apples in all their many forms. Okay, so maybe the food wasn't always a cornucopia of great stuff, but we sure did know about eating seasonally.

Today, we can eat anything any time anywhere. Fly it in from somewhere. Dig it out of the freezer. All it takes is money. Here in coastal California we are even more spoiled. We really can get fresh-picked local strawberries nearly 12 months out of the year. I mean berries grown within an hour's drive of our home. Cole vegetables are year around as are most "basic" vegetables. Here it is the end of October and we are getting terrific asparagus. But some things are still prizes of their seasons: winter squash, peaches, the best tomatoes, all come to mind.

The weather, too, dictates many of my cravings. Pea soup, navy bean soup, and chili mean winter to me. Minestrone and cold soups mean summer. Kale, root veggies -- all in the winter. And then there are all of those traditional holiday foods for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter on the one hand; and Memorial Day, the 4th of July and Labor Day on the other.

To cook seasonally certainly means to NOT select all my ingredients from the shelf and the freezer day after day 365 days a year. You know I'm not a purist. I will fall back on those things from time to time, but I'm looking for more. You've seen that I've added a "gadget" to my blog showing what's in season in my area at any given time. You can move the cursor around and check out your area, too. We're spoiled here, it's true. I love reporting what I buy at farmers market each week to thrill and amaze you. Still, I love going with the local seasonal flow.

No, sorry; no cooking today. It just wasn't in the cards. I had a great lunch with a friend at Hush Harbor here in Atascadero. Their portions are huge. I brought half my curried tuna sandwich home and had it for dinner. Poor Randy opened a can of soup, but he said it was good. Progresso, I think. Tomorrow I won't be quite so busy chasing around, running errands, moving yet more boxes from the storage locker to the house and up the stairs and into my studio. Tomorrow I cook.

Carry on.

Day 11 - Lunch at Alice's Restaurant

You remember the old Arlo Guthrie song -- "You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."

Today was quite the busy, adventurous, exciting day. We crawled out of bed at 6 a.m. in order to be out the door at 7 a.m. Too early for me, but the sunrise was beautiful. So my Dear Husband asks me if he should make a lunch reservation for us at the Chez Panisse Cafe. Holy mackerel! Yes! If we can get in... Yes! Yes! And we can get in! At 1:15, we'll be eating at Alice's restaurant.

At 7 a.m. we're out the door, my Honda CRV loaded with the boxed pieces of a cabinet that has to be returned to Ikea (it has a warped piece and needs to be exchanged) and Maizie Jane Valentine who is going to Radiocat in San Mateo for her $1,000 high-tech radio-iodine treatment to resolve her hyperthyroidism. Maizie rode in her carrier, right in the back seat between us, high enough so she could look out the window and watch everything. Maizie is a good traveler, thank heaven. We arrived at Radiocat shortly after her 11:00 appointment time. Traffic was squirrelly and apparently all the cats were running late. (You know how distracted those kitties can get....) Maizie is totally calm about everything. She's probably the most easy-going cat we've ever had. We got her checked in and then we were off to Berkeley.

Ah yes, lunch aboard the mother ship. Basically, this was a real vote of confidence (and encouragement) from Randy. Sunday night he told me that he's really impressed with what I'm doing with regard to my learn-to-cook project. Bless his heart.

Randy had:

Cannard Farm leeks with mustard vinaigrette and chervil

Autumn vegetable couscous with harissa and charmoula (Moroccan condiment sauces)

Carmel cream puffs with bittersweet chocolate sauce; coffee

I inhaled:

Rocket and celery root salad with Meyer lemon and black pepper

Northern halibut with cauliflower, spinach, lime and ginger butter

Pink Lady apple and quince tart with wild flower honey ice cream

Sour cherry D'Arbo fruit soda

I don't have to tell you that everything was wonderful. Expensive, but wonderful. And inspiring. This is only the second time I've eaten in the cafe. We also had dinner there with friends maybe a year ago, although I can't remember for the life of me what I ate that night.

Between my own cooking and this lunch, I'm getting a handle on what signature Waters food/cooking is all about. It's not like other food, even in other upscale California restaurants. There something different here that I can't quite yet put my finger on. One thing I know by now is that this is food for the adventurous eater. New ingredients. New combinations. New ways of preparing food. I'm an adventurous eater. Early childhood influence from my father's side of family. I'll have to write more about that later.

Anyway, after lunch I bought a few things at the Andronico's grocery store across the street from Chez Panisse. I would have thought that store, of all groceries on the planet, would have salt-packed anchovies, but nooooo. I did bring home a celery root however, a couple Meyer lemons, a proper fuyu persimmon, some shriveled French olives, some fresh mozarella, walnut oil, and raspberry white balsamic vinegar.

Then it was off to the Emeryville Ikea to exchange the cabinet. Lattes at the nearby Pete's and then head for home. We stopped in Salinas for a bite to eat at Jack-in-the-Box. That was tough after Chez Panisse, but I survived. We got home about 10:30 and hit the proverbial sack.

No new recipes today, but plenty of inspiration and reinforcement. Not to mention great eating!

Carry on.

Day 10 Redux - And Dinner, Too!

Pan-Fried Sirloin with Salsa Verde (pgs 120-122 & 45)

Brussels Sprouts Gratin (pg 295)

My main goal today was to get caught up with laundry, so I was eager to cook some more for dinner tonight. ANYTHING to avoid laundry. And, no, I'm not caught up with the laundry. Anyway, I tackled 2 new recipes and another variation on an old one for dinner tonight.

I've pan-fried pork chops and wanted to try my hand at some beef tonight. It was some sort of sirloin with a very long name on the label. I can't believe how easy it is to cook meat! I always thought it was one of the dark arts, that you had to make a pact with the devil to be told the secrets of cooking meat. Even with a spatter guard, pan frying makes a heck of a mess on the cooktop, but it's so quick and easy and Randy cleans up. (I just don't want to push my luck in that regard.)

To top the steaks I made the second of Alice Waters' Four Essential Sauces: Salsa Verde. Basically it's gremolata gussied up. A lot of chopping and zesting, but my skills are improving, however slowly. I am now certain that it's way easier to zest a fresh lemon than a frozen one. Should have guessed that one.

Accompanied by Brussels Sprouts Gratin. We LOVE brussels sprouts. I was thrilled to find another way to prepare them. Somehow I've managed to live all these years never having made a gratin (or much of anything else in recent memory). This was not a low-cholesterol dish what with the cream, butter and bacon. But my-oh-my was it tasty! Alas, I used Progresso bread crumbs, not home-made. There are limits and I'm not a purist.

I wasn't quite as organized tonight as usual. My mise en place wasn't in place. I was in a hurry and learned, once again, that rushing this step just doesn't pay off. Nonetheless, I'm feeling more confident overall. I'm paying strict attention, too, to presentation. If I'm going to do this, it's going to be beautiful on the table. Period.

The veggies were creamy without being mooshy. The steaks were delicious. The salsa was a nice fresh-tasting addition. Another terrific meal.

9 recipes down, 296 to go

Day 10 - Grapefuit and Avocado Salad

Grapefruit and Avocado Salad (pg 240)

Man, what I did to that poor grapefruit could probably get me arrested. Remember that scene in the movie "Julie and Julia" where Julia Childs is at home chopping a mountain of onions to perfect her knife skills? Well, I need to do something similar to a mountain of grapefruit. Peeling one down to its flesh was challenge enough, but then merely identifying the membranes separating the sections, much less properly cutting them, was a real challenge. So, I foresee making this particular salad again. And again. And again. And again. Beats the heck out of chopping 20 pounds of onions anyway.

I made the vinaigrette with champagne vinegar instead of white wine vinegar because that's what's on the shelf. I used Hawaiian red clay salt on the avocado slices. I arranged the slices on top of mixed organic greens and sprinkled the whole thing with bacon pieces before serving to make the salad lunch-worthy, served only with a big bowl of tortilla chips. Sunday lunch!

Once again, I bow to Alice where flavor is concerned. This recipe sounded like the most boring thing in the world but was absolutely wonderful. I do think that the bacon pieces added the perfect savory flavor for us carnivorous fat seekers. Bacon/ham and avocado always seem to me to blend beautifully. I think it's the salt and the contrasting textures. This time of year our local ruby grapefruit are just becoming sweet, not like those awful sour things I remember from my midwest childhood. I want to try this salad again in a couple months when the grapefruit have been on the trees a little longer and are just that much sweeter.

The vinaigrette, made this time with a little of the grapefruit's juice, was excellent. Good thing I had the foresight to cut the fruit on a rimmed plate to catch the juice, eh? Comes from actually reading the recipe first and thinking it through. I AM learning SOMETHING!

Another success, I'd say, even if the condition of the fruit slices left something to be desired aesthetically. I'm becoming more and more amazed at how this project is opening Randy and I both up to new tastes. Honestly, I think we had gotten into a terrible rut with our cooking and eating. There's more to life than Trader Joe's pasta, good as that stuff is. More importantly, I'm really enjoyed cooking. It's "making stuff" as much as any other creative pursuit.

Now, on to a mountain of laundry. Not so creative, I'm afraid.

7 recipes down; 298 to go, more or less

Questions to Answer After Cooking....

How did it taste?

What did I learn?

Day 9 - No Cooking Progress Made Today; Sorry...

What did I do today? Darned if I know. Didn't cook, though I thought a lot about cooking. I did make it to farmers market. Purchases included Winesap apples for a crisp, a pomegranate which cost all of 25 cents, a ruby red grapefruit, and a persimmon which turns out to be the wrong type for a salad. I have a heck of a time keeping those 2 common persimmon types straight. I need the fuyu, the small flatish one. I got the pointy one that I can neither pronounce nor spell, but it starts with an h. I was in a hurry this morning, which never pays off.

Otherwise, more box hauling since I'm determined to move a car-load every day. I want to get all our stuff out of storage and into the house ASAP. So the house is a mess, but at least I'm motivated to unpack while surrounded by all our stuff. If it's still in storage, the old "out of sight, out of mind" thing is starting to come into play. Not good since I'm a procrastinator by nature.

Well, more tomorrow. Carry on.

Day 8 - Leftovers and a Vinaigrette Variation

We had lunch out at a Japanese restaurant where, for the first time in my life, I did NOT order sushi. I don't think I'll make that mistake again. The miso and tempura were terrific. The beef stuff was okay. My stomach is small. I took home leftover rice and leftover beef stuff.

After an afternoon of hauling boxes from the storage locker to the car to the garage to the foyer and upstairs to my studio, while just generally also putting stuff where it belongs, I was kinda pooped but still not very hungry. In the refrigerator lurked... (wait for it)... leftovers. Japanese beef stuff. Rice. The end of the green chile stew with its little bacon sprinkles. Half an apple. Half a plum. Most of a lemon. Some chopped parsley. A few Red Flame grapes. It was time for a communal dinner of salad and leftovers.

I made more or less the same salad as last night, and tried another Alice vinaigrette variation, using fresh squeezed lemon juice instead of vinegar and plain basic Trader Joe's organic olive oil. Again, a pinch of salt, but no pepper. It wasn't the total orgasmic experience of last night's honey and lime sauce, but it was still Yum.

So, it was a day of chauffeuring my poor injured husband around, shopping for cool baking dishes, and getting our new life in order. I think I'd rather pack than unpack, to tell you the truth. Oh well. No new recipes today, but tonight I'm going to do some planning for the coming week in order to use my time and resources effectively at farmers market in the morning. I still have an avocado from last week, as well as some brussels sprouts that I plan to au gratin with pan-fried beef.

Carry on.

Day 7 - Vinaigrette With a New Twist

Left Over Green Chile Stew from last night

The end of the pugliese loaf with basil olive oil for dipping

Greens and Fruit Salad with Honey Balsamic and Lime Olive Oil Vinaigrette (pg 44)

The very first recipe/cooking lesson in TAOSF is vinaigrette. Randy has been dressing our salads with red wine or balsamic vinegar and olive oil vinaigrette forever. Frankly, I've never been wild about it. Too acidic and, well, boring, for me. So, I've been avoiding even thinking about making vinaigrette a la Alice. But, today was very busy. The featured entree at my cafe was Leftovers. Leftover stew and leftover bread. Not a lot of time for other cooking.

I had an idea! We recently went to We Olive in Paso Robles California with friends for a major olive oil tasting. It was there that I fell in love with a mixture of honey balsamic vinegar and lime olive oil for bread dipping. Well, it seemed to me that a vinaigrette of these 2 ingredients, with salt but no pepper, would make a swell dressing for a salad of greens and fruit. I love to add fruit to my green salads anyway. So, I thinly sliced some apple and some plum, threw in a few raisins and chopped pecans and dressed the whole thing with my honey balsamic lime olive oil vinaigrette a la Sally. Heaven! It was Heaven! Honestly, the best salad I've ever had in my entire life.

My vinaigrette success tonight makes me now eager to try some other variations, some that Alice suggests in TAOSF and some that I've been thinking about. We have a whole bunch of different vinegars and olive oils in the house, and easy access to many more. This is another major breakthrough, on a par with my recent cauliflower breakthrough. Yippee!!

Otherwise, it was just a very busy day of errands and chores. Some days are like that.

6 Waters recipes down; 299 to go.

Day 6 - A Side Trip to New Mexico

Californian Green Chili Stew

served with tortilla chips, salsa, and cilantro/roasted pecan dip from Trader Joe's

When Randy and I were in New Mexico earlier this month, we took a chile (not chili) cooking class with Rocky Durham at the Santa Fe School of Cooking. It was a WOW!!! We made tortillas, red chile sauce and green chile sauce. We followed our Friday afternoon class with a Saturday morning visit to the Santa Fe farmers market. We brought home tortilla-grind masa harina and 2 pounds of red chile, 1 Chimayo-style from the School and 1 from a Chimayo vendor at the market.

Today I wanted to test my green chile roasting skills on our gas cook top by making the Santa Fe School of Cooking's Green Chile Stew. I made a version based on their cookbook's recipe and another that was on their web site 2 years ago. Of course, my green peppers were Californian, not New Mexican, but the resulting taste definitely had that New Mexico edge. As we learned in Rocky's class, chiles vary greatly depending on many factors: where they are grown, the type, the time of year, the soils, how much water they get and when, and so on. So no matter the taste, my chile was Californian Green Chile Stew. And, it was great! There are plenty of leftovers; I'm anxious to learn what the stew tastes like tomorrow.

Still holding at 5 Waters recipes down and 300 to go.

On a more mundane note, my creative time today (other than cooking) was spent hauling yet another load of stuff up from the storage lockers. My poor husband's knee is in such bad shape he can hardly walk; he bought crutches today. He also had it X-rayed this morning, the first step toward actually getting it fixed. Something tells me this is going to be a long week.

My Blog Sucks; Alice Waters Doesn't

I've just been web surfing, finding all kinds of wonderful food and cooking blogs. Mine, however, sucks. No fancy photos. No great lists of recipes and dining destinations. No links. No bells and whistles. What can I say-- I'm nearly a luddite. Well, I'll try to gussy it up in the future. I'm still working on unpacking and getting settled into our new house. Remember? And there's this to-do list.... which is very long.

In my surfing I've also discovered that Alice Waters has become quite the controversial political figure. Or shall I put it this way: some folks are making Alice into a political controversy. Sorry, but you won't get any of that from me. I just want to learn to cook.

Yesterday I forgot to mention that I went cooking shopping. Turns out there is a huge, wonderful kitchen store right at the base of my hill. Who knew!? I bought 2 mortars and pestles. A medium and a large. I'm ready to pound. I found this double boiler gadget. It's sorta the top part of a double boiler, but made to fit any size saucepan. And a tortilla press. I got a tortilla press. Later in the day I found a Paula Deen 5 quart cast iron casserole at Ross Dress for Less. Forty bucks! I've love to have the $200 version. Someday. I'll try out this one today. It weighs a ton. I'm starting to think that cooking might be a good workout.

Carry on.

Day 5 - The Dreaded Cauliflower, Part II

Spicy Cauliflower Soup (pg 257)

Pugliese Bread with Honey Balsamic Vinegar and Locally Produced Lime-Flavored Olive Oil

I believe I'm going to have to stop whining about cauliflower. Just don't ever ask me to boil the stuff. I made the soup this morning using boxed chicken broth for all the liquid. Then "coarsely pureed" and reheated it at dinner time. Alice doesn't like blenders, but I think I could have stirred or whisked for a week and not gotten the results I got in 2 minutes using the blender. Sorry, Alice; I admitted up front that I'm not a purist.

What separated this soup from the masses was the garnish. A large dollop of nonfat Greek style honey yogurt, a little chopped parsley, and a generous squeeze of fresh lime juice. Balanced out the spiciness of the soup quite nicely.

The pugliese was simply from Ralph's, but very high quality. I am in love with the locally-produced lime-flavored olive oil. Excellent for dipping, especially with honey balsamic. Pasolivo also produces orange and lemon olive oil. I'll try them the next time I get to We Olive.

Am I writing into the wind? It's just that I'm so excited about this journey and I want to share it! I will have to settle for Randy's enthusiastic feedback. Bless him: he cleans up after my cooking. And praises the cook.

This makes 5 recipes completed. 300 to go, at least.

Carry on, whoever you are. Wherever you are.

Day 4 - The Dreaded Cauliflower

Sauteed Cauliflower Italian Style on Egg Noodles (pg 119)

Slices of Fresh Fruit with Red Flame Grapes

Did this ever happen to you when you were a kid? Something revolting was served on your dinner plate which you refused to eat and you were forced to sit at the table for hours until you ate it? Who the hell ever thought THAT was a good idea?! My "something revolting" was boiled cauliflower. Which does NOT improve as hours pass, I can guarantee you from actual experience. Nor will all the Kraft American cheese sauce in the world make it any more palatable. I haven't been able to eat cauliflower since. Hardly even raw with Ranch dip. Julie Powell had her eggs. I have cauliflower.

A close second is plums. Never did like the over-juicy, stringy texture when biting into a whole, somewhat over-ripe plum. Just biting into the skin made my teeth shrink back up into their gums. So I don't eat those, either.

But, as long as I'm studying the techniques of pan-frying and sauteing, I thought I might as well cowgirl-up and try sauteing some cauliflower. Luckily Alice lists a variation that adds parsley, garlic, anchovies, capers, hot chile flakes and olives, all to put over pasta. I used the last of some fabulous smoked olives lurking in the back of the frig. I do love olives in most all their many incarnations. Alice doesn't mention any measurements for any of these ingredients, so I was on my own. I can deal. This isn't baking.

Since I'm getting awfully tired of the same-old, same-old lettuce salad accompaniment with all our dinners, I thought that fruit would be a good alternative. One of my fondest Roman memories is the bowls of chilled whole fresh fruit put out for dessert in all the little trattorias. Small plates and small sharp knives were passed around so each diner could peel fruit, share fruit, whatever. My variation tonight was slices of apple, slices of slightly under-ripe plums and more of those Red Flame grapes, all heaped together in a bowl and sprinkled with a little yellow sugar.

Oh ma gosh! What a great dinner! The cauliflower and pasta dish was superb, truly. I'd make it again and eat it again in a heartbeat. The fruit was perfect. I did feel like we were in Rome. The plum was delicious. Randy thought it was a little under ripe, but for me it was perfect. Firm and flavorful. Life is good. Hell, even cauliflower is good. At least in this case.

Okay, that means I've tried a total of 3 Alice recipes. All with success. I am optimistic that I might actually learn to cook one day.

Carry on!

Day 3 - A Complication Emerges

My girlfriend Georg and I hit the Open Studios trail again this morning, followed by a modest lunch of a small french dip-type beef sandwich at a favorite waterfront haunt in Morro Bay. Damn. Remember how I told you that recent tummy surgery had resulted in my having an actually smaller stomach? So I'm eating less because I get full faster? Well, by the time I got home hours after lunch and it was time to cook dinner, I was still so stuffed from lunch that the mere thought of cooking was turning me bright green. Hot flashes didn't help. The result is that Randy ate leftovers for dinner, while I nibbled on bread pudding (warmed with butter and cream) and Red Flame grapes. Sigh. Delicious, but didn't add to my culinary education much.

However, I did get one cooking-related project completed today. I have a largish pile of recipes clipped from various magazines and newspapers, downloaded and printed, begged from friends, you name it. Collected over more years than I care to admit. I've wanted to go through them, toss out the less than exciting ones, and transfer them into a nice box where they would be a good bit more accessible. I started very early this morning and just finished. Done! I'm feeling like an organized cook, if not an actually cooking cook. Apparently, for at least the near future, I get either lunch or dinner but not both. On the other hand, if the result is a shrunken ass, I'm willing.

In the meantime, why Alice Waters, you might ask? Julie Powell cooked her way through Julia, Volume I. There are plenty of other cookbooks out there. Why Alice? Three reasons. First is that "The Art of Simple Food" is written as a how-to-cook-book. There is no Cordon Bleau here in San Louis Obispo county. I need a teacher. A curriculum. TAOSF is it. Second reason is in the title: simple. Simple. It's not that I'm unwilling to tackle complicated stuff. Occasionally. It's just that I want to cook for real life, as a way of life. Third is that, like Alice, I live on coastal California where one can easily eat from wonderful farmers markets all year around. Indeed, there is at least 1 such market every day somewhere in my county. After living here for nearly 20 years, I've come to know and appreciate the markets, the local CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture programs), the abundance and quality of food we can access. Alice's is the way of cooking and eating that is natural to me, given my wants, my disposition, and my geography. It just makes sense.

Alice gives 9 principles of good cooking in her introduction to TAOSF. Perhaps I'll discuss them -- as they seem to apply to me -- one at a time, from time to time. First is: Eat locally and sustainably. Here is California we have numerous examples of both small, local producers and giant corporate agricultural operations. The differences are stark. I won't get into a long explanation. Suffice it to say that produce safety scares of recent years have always involved the big producers and/or distant producers. Okay, I'm not a purist. I eat some of that stuff, but I certainly prefer our local small producers. Randy and I belonged to an organic CSA program for a couple years at our old house in Los Osos. I can tell you from experience that organic produce tastes better. It does. When you wash your lettuce and wash off the bugs, you can be sure that if nothing was applied to the lettuce that killed the bugs, then there was nothing applied to the lettuce that would kill you. A comforting thought. Again, I'm not a purist about organic food, but I do know that organic farming is by far the most sustainable. Organic practices preserve and built the soil and the water resources. Frankly, shopping at the farmers markets is one heck of a lot more fun than shopping at the giant corporate super markets.

Okay, enough for tonight. Hopefully I'll be back to the range and the oven tomorrow.

Carry on.

Day 2 - Templeton Farmers' Market

Girlfriend Georg and I hit the North County trail of Open Studios today. Bruce Everett, our first visit, set a standard that wasn't matched all day. Still, we had a good lunch at the Paso Robles "Crooked Kilt." (Whoever thought I'd find a sports bar to be one of my favorite lunch spots?) It was squid strips for me. The squeamish can call it calamari.

Randy made his first attempt at New Mexican red chile sauce this evening. It was pretty yummy, but honestly, I think mine will be better. Sorry, Randy.

First thing this morning, Georg and I made a visit to the Templeton Farmers' Market. It's a nice size market in a relaxing small-town park setting. I now have a huge "Lamb" Haas avocado that was too lovely to pass up. Some plums and pluots and sugar-sweet Red Flame grapes. I found a few green chiles for practicing my roasting technique. Only 1 vendor had cauliflower, which was my primary goal for this market, but one was all it took. The head I bought is a beauty.

Big news is that we now have a local producer of artisan chevre! Apparently it is very difficult to get proper licensing to make and sell chevre in California -- who knew?! I didn't buy any today, but I certainly will soon. Memories of last week's New Mexican chevres still linger on my palate.

Carry on.

Day 1 - The Art of Simple Food

Pan-Fried Boneless Pork Loin Chops with Gremolata (pgs 122 & 231)

Oven-Roasted Asparagus (pg 289)

We returned yesterday afternoon from a much needed week of R&R&Shopping in New Mexico. Our first dinner home was nothing more than a roasted chicken and container of broccoli slaw from the local supermarket deli. Pretty good stuff, actually.

But I also shopped for tonight's dinner. Pork loin chops, asparagus from Peru (forgive me, Alice; I don't want to wait until farmers' market Saturday to begin cooking), and broccoli.

This afternoon I made bread pudding. I have a standard recipe, subject to much variation, given to me by Susan, manager of a now-defunct coffee house in Morro Bay. I throw odds and ends of bread and pastry past prime into the freezer until I have enough for a batch. Right now I have enough for several batches, having moved all those frozen heels and stale cake bits with us from the old house. (Would someone please BUY the old house?!)

Dinner is Pan-Fried Pork Chops garnished with Gremolata and Oven-Roasted Asparagus drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with shaved Parmesan.

First an OOOPS! Pork chops (or beef or chicken) must be thin, 1/2" for pan-frying. My loin chops are 1" by actual measurement. Alice says that after browning, I can finish them by baking in the oven. But who knows for how long? Not me. I drag out the trusty cast iron skillet I begged hubby for nearly 2 years ago when I decided to learn to cook a la Alice. Get it HOT. Add oil (a mix of olive and some other stuff). Toss in a little salt to keep oil from splattering (a trick I learned from Chinese wok cooking). Dry the chops (learned from the movie; and from Julia). Salt and pepper. Into the pan to brown. Looks promising.

Mean while, my assistant, dear hubby Randy, has peeled the asparagus with a vegetable peeler (who knew?), laid them in an oven-proof pan, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with salt.

When the chops are browned, they go into the oven, right in their cast iron skillet. About 5-7 minutes later, in go the asparagus. The whole thing bakes away at 375 for about 10-12 minutes.

Oh yes! The gremolata! Mine is the parsley, lemon zest, garlic combination that Alice spells out. I'm not thrilled with mine since the proportions don't seem quite right, but then again I didn't measure all that accurately. I'll have to try it again.

Anyway, the whole meal was damned good if I do say so myself. The asparagus should probably have roasted at 400, but that could have killed the meat. The chops were excellent, which shocked me. I've always been nervous about cooking meat.

Later in the evening, the bread pudding with tea.

By my count, there are 305 recipes in Simple Food. (And endless variations, which can be both a blessing and a curse, depending on your goals in life.) I will say I accomplished 2 today, so there are 303 to go. Okay, to be honest, I need to try the pan-fried meat thing again. I have some appropriately thin beef in the frig now. But I'm still going to call it 2 down and 303 to go. I'm just beginning to think that I might be actually learning to cook from this project! Julia always said that to learn to cook one must simply cook. Sounds reasonable.

Carry on!

Long Story Short

We built the house and we now live in it. I intended to blog the whole process but, heck, I barely SURVIVED the whole process. Stressful? You can't begin to know. Unless you've done it yourself. Bits and pieces of the house are still being finished, but we're here and we love it.

Health? Well, all that almost-pneumonia that wouldn't go away traced back to a hiatal hernia. One-third of my stomach was above my diaphragm. No wonder I couldn't breathe. Never mind the acid reflux. So, I've since had laproscopic surgery to fix the whole thing, and I feel great.

Life goes on. In our new house I have a large studio. Which I am slowly whipping into shape.

We also have an excellent new kitchen. Dacor everything except a Bosch dishwasher. So I'm finally able to learn to really cook well, something I've planned on since the decision to build a new house. Coincidentally, out came Julie Powell's book, closely followed by the movie adaptation, "Julie and Julia." Inspiration! My guide will be Alice Waters' "The Art of Simple Cooking." Stay tuned for further exciting adventures!

Pneumonia Sucks

Yup. It just plain sucks. This is my second day in bed. I don't do sick-in-bed very well at all. In fact I don't do it at all unless I feel really rotten. I feel really rotten. Thank heavens for my lap computer so I can at least get a few things done. And portable phones and cell phones. I may be sick in bed, but I'm not entirely cut off from the world.

For amusement I went to the American Idol site and rated this year's 20 candidates for The Song. What a bunch of schlock. Not the songwriters' fault. AI wants schlock. There were maybe 2 of the 20 that didn't make me cringe. Must AI insult our collective intelligence this way? The (cringey) Song is one of the reasons why I didn't even watch toward the end of last season. The contestants are much better this year, but the winner will deserve a better The Song than he or she will get.

Almost Pneumonia

Yup, that's what I've got. Almost pneumonia. That's the official diagnosis. And I thought it would be another one of those cold/viral-icky/bronchitis things. And you didn't even know I was ailing. Oh well. Life goes on.

We checked in with the attorney to get my power-of-attorney for when Randy is away. In case anything gets screwed up with the house in his absence.

We selected 3 concrete roof tile samples at the lumber company. The samples will come in a few days. This is mostly for color selection.

We talked with the window lady about windows. Again. This is a BIG issue in a passive-solar house since most windows aren't set-up for anything other than artificial-heating-in-the-winter and air-conditioning-in-the-summer. We want to avoid both.

I told you. Life goes on. And it was way more fun today than having almost pneumonia.

The Cost of Car Juice

It's been too long since I've written. Still no photos. But there's something I've just got to mention.

I can't believe how much we're paying for gasoline here. I mean right here. California coast, half way between San Francisco and Los Angeles. The big cities have always been higher, but as near as I can tell, short of Hawaii, we're paying more right now than anyone anywhere in the USA. Within the last couple of weeks we've been in San Francisco and New York City. They're paying less than we are. Good grief! Even Manhattanites are paying less than we are for gas! We've always been lower than at least those 2 places. What is going on here? My last fill up was at 3.899, with some stations as high as 3.999 for regular. You know: the cheap stuff. We'll be over $4.00 a gallon shortly.

You could editorialize about this from a number of different angles, but I'm thinking of working people who are just barely scraping by as it is. Do you go without food to pay for the gas to get to work to pay for the gas to get to work? Just wondering.

Oooops! We've done it this time!

We've purchased those metaphorical non-refundable tickets for the Big Ride. We signed the contract with the builder this morning. Of course, the house, as currently configured, costs about twice as much as originally planned. Surprise, surprise. We still have to see what the bank says about all this. And the city has yet to cough up a building permit. But, it would appear that a major step forward has been taken. I sort of feel like Randy and I have just married the builder. Stay tuned for further exciting adventures.

Report From a Field Trip

Good grief. In an effort to bring this cabinet controversy to some kind of resolution, the estimator (who came up with this idea), the architect, Randy and I all took a field trip this afternoon to the local cabinet maker (hereafter known as LCM), with the upscale (i.e. ones I want) sample cabinet doors in hand to see if the LCM could indeed recreate them at a lower price. To make another very long story short, the answer is, "Maybe. Kinda. We'll see." The upscale doors are like nothing the LCM has ever done before, but they will take a crack at making some samples, somewhat reluctantly. The other unknown, of course, is this: even if the LCM _can_ make appropriate doors, will they be any less than the cost of the upscale doors from the original provider? I have a feeling this story line is going to drag on. And on. And on. And I'm not sure there will be a good outcome.

The upside is that we all learned a whole lot of stuff about cabinetry that we never knew before. How the pieces and parts get made in the first place, mostly. And we did select a countertop material and color for the laundry room, whoever ends up making the cabinets. Zodiac. Astral Pearl. Cool.

The Tale of the See-Through Door

It's been a very, very long week and a half. To make a very, very long story short-- First we hit a major stumbling block with the city planning department in getting the permit for our house. The major stumbling block was an incompetent planner, but it took a lot of time and energy on the part of a lot of people to get that rock, and I do mean rock, out of the road. Then the builder has started giving me grief about the cost of the kitchen and laundry room cabinetry I've selected. That issue is not yet resolved, but I can't help but ask, "Whose house is this, and who's paying for it?" I'm forever asking questions like that. Does he have some hidden agenda? Darned if I know.

But on to the see-through door. We're constantly going through new houses to hunt for ideas. Mostly we learn what not to do. We went through 5 spec houses Sunday afternoon. Mind you, they are a stone's throw from the ocean. But they do cost $1.25 million, more or less. Not large, but supposedly somewhat luxurious. For that money, no matter the location, I would at least expect basic competence (there's that word again!). Our favorite of the 5 houses had a see-through door. No, it wasn't supposed to be that way, but you could clearly see light in numerous places coming in between the boards that made up the old-mediterranean style round-top door. Which means that cold air will be pouring into the house, and warm, heated ($$$) air will be pouring out. You'd think that kind of money would at least buy you a decent door.

Otherwise, a week ago Saturday I had a grand time judging high school forensics contests in Atascadero. Kept my mind off house problems. I'm pet-sitting 2 toy poodles this weekend. Today I'm getting the block-of-the-month ready for my quilt guild meeting tonight. A good, red-blooded American thing to do.

Friday in Santa Barbara

It's late. I'm pooped.

My girlfriend Georg and I went to SB today. We looked at lighting fixtures, cabinetry, and more lighting fixtures. Also, a fellow who was out and about with his dog, cat and rat who were all stacked up one atop another. I'm not kidding.

I could go into details, but...

It's late. I'm pooped.

Stone Forest

It's late. I'm tired. Wait! That was my line yesterday.

The Stone Forest boulder sinks for the master bathroom arrived today. They are sitting in the driveway, all swaddled up on a pallet. At 90 pounds a piece, I don't think they're going to go anywhere. I'm really thinking concrete countertops under those sinks. I'm SO glad I decided to go with them. I loved them several years ago when I considered one for the bathroom remodel in our present home, and I still love them as much as ever. Maybe more. Love, love, love.

We also purchased a Stone Forest vessel sink for the library bathroom when we visited the corporate showroom in Santa Fe in December. Those people do really, really good work. Maybe we can get one of their outside fountains later. Drool.

Otherwise, I spent a lot of time on email today, communicating this, that and the other bits of information to various players. I'm trying very hard to keep everyone up to speed on everything that I know about and everything I'm even thinking about. At the same time, I couldn't resist just going on line some to hunt through various things like outdoor furniture, exterior lighting fixtures, and chandeliers. Shop, shop, shop.

Oh yes! I also spent some time buying tickets for our trip to NYC next month. This will be "play 'til you drop." We have left front mezzanine tickets for The Phantom of the Opera at the Majestic Theatre, first row on the inside aisle. Then there are center orchestra tickets at the Shubert Theatre for Spamalot. Also, Carnegie Hall tickets, second tier, for the Orchestra of St. Luke's. Bobby McFerrin is the conductor. At that point I was suffering from sticker shock and quit, although I'd still like to see November with Nathan Lane. Maybe from the rest rooms? Those seats should be pretty cheap.

I've Always Loved the Scent of Gardenias and Bargains

It's late. I'm tired. But I promised....

I love to shop. I REALLY love to shop for bargains! We're building a house. I have LOTS of opportunities to shop. And a need to shop for bargains.

Yesterday I made a return visit to Tuesday Morning and bought something I'd spotted there a couple weeks ago. A line of "pretty" (Jen's word and I agree) but discontinued bathroom fixtures by CSI (Moen) called "Gardenia". I purchased 2 towel bars, a towel ring, a toilet paper holder and a robe hook. Half price. Yeah! And they weren't dreadfully expensive in the first place. These will go in the library/guest bath where the vanity and sink (already purchased) are smaller in size and scale than items in much of the rest of the house.

Jen and I both came, independently, to the conclusion that this design would also look good in the laundry room where we need a towel bar or ring or something, so I may go back and fetch some additional pieces.

The piggies' parents are home, so I'm done with this current pet-sitting job. The AI elimination, David Hernandez, was no surprise. I like his voice, but I found him a little scarey to watch as a performer. Wonder if he was scarey to watch as a stripper? We'll (probably) never know.

American Idol - Week 1

Shoot. I forgot to blog last night. I'll make up for it today.

Last night was all about American Idol. Week 1 for the top 12. Davids Archuleta and Cook have been my favorite guys all along, but Archuleta was dreadful last night. Among other things, he forgot his lyrics. Twice. Reminded me that forgetting lyrics was the kiss of death for those who exited at Week 1 both last year AND the year before! Cook, on the other hand, was one of my 3 favorites last night, along with Chikezie and Amanda Overmyer. I love how the rockers kicked it up with the Beatles songs. We've already heard those tunes ballad-ed to death over the years, but rarely rocked out.

Archuleta wasn't the only Idol in trouble last night. Syesha, Ramiele (you'd throw away a shot at being the AI whining over the loss of a gay kid? huh?), David Hernandez, and Kristy Lee were all weak. Well, Kristy Lee was beyond weak. I never could even figure out where the beat was in her ill-conceived "country" version of "Eight Days a We(a)k." It was a train wreck for the girl who was in danger in the bottom 3 females the last 2 weeks anyway. Bye-bye, Kristy Lee. Or should I say, woof-woof, Kristy Lee. Throw the girl a bone.

Terror-to-the-Bone Monday

Today we met with the builder to get his "final" estimate for building the house. Of course, it's terrifyingly much larger than we'd originally intended. Well, I'm terrified. Randy isn't. Who knew that I would terrify over money more easily than my husband?

Next step is to take this information to the bank and beg, on hands and knees, for a construction loan. Which will be based, in no small part, on whether or not the bank's appraiser thinks the house will actually be worth what it cost to build. Never mind how totally volatile and weird the current housing market is. Never mind how weird our house is. As built, it will be a 1-bedroom, 3-bath house. I'll explain that some other time.

Basically, I'm stressed.

Otherwise, I bought a belt at Ross Dress-for-Less (a $30 Calvin Klein for $10) so my jeans don't fall off. And a pair of one-size-smaller jeans for the day I can get into them. The belt will work with those jeans, too. It's a plain belt, so I can just keep punching new holes in it until I disappear.

The piggies grandmother, Elsie, received a belated 88th birthday present and card today from me and Randy. Her birthday was last Tuesday. I stopped at Trader Joe's and bought Elsie a big bouquet of flowers. Elsie is a gem.

From one of my favorite beadmakers, Luann Jamison, a string of her orphan beads arrived in the mail. I've been trying to buy some of her orphans for a long time, but some other buyer always beats me to it. I got some this time and I just love them. Orphan beads are fun to play with.

Well, back to work. Whatever that is.

Nose-to-the-Grindstone Sunday

Randy was off working all day today, so I took advantage of the situation to clean up a couple of messes, the kind of messes where you have to make a worse mess first in order to clean up the mess.

First, I cleaned the dining room. Doesn't sound like that big a deal, but in our house, by virtue of its geography, the dining room is the center of all activity. It always collects the most cat fur and gets the messiest.

Second was straightening up all the New House stuff. We have files, books, blueprints, samples, you name it. The stuff had gotten messed up and spread around to the point that I no longer could put my hands on particular items. I was looking for the window catalog the other day and had not the foggiest idea where it was. So now I've gone through all the files and recycled a lot of stuff that is no longer relevant (I once had nearly 20 kitchen cabinet catalogs, for example), gotten things re-organized, and everything now is all in one place, on the House Table, as I call it, which is in a corner of the living room.

Third, I cleaned out the kitchen junk drawer. Every kitchen has one. It's where pencils, scissors, take-out menus and other such paraphenalia collect. Over time the collection gets a bit TOO large. Like the New House stuff, I could no longer find anything in the drawer and could hardly even close it half the time. I took everything out, got rid of half of it, and reorganized the rest. Yippee!!

My friends Barry and Leabah are out of town for a couple of days, so I'll be pet-sitting their 2 pot-bellied pigs. When I went there for lunch, I met Barry's 2 daughters. Cool, since I've heard so much about them. At piggy dinner time, it was just me and the pigs and Leabah's mom Elsie and her caretaker.

I Hang My Head...

I swore up and down that I would blog every day. I haven't. I'll try again.

Status of The House: We're waiting for the builder to finish his final cost estimate, which then goes to the bank where they have some appraiser recreate the wheel. The theory is that the construction loan will be approved and ground will be broken at the end of April. In the meantime, I've continued to shop. Although generally, the architect and I have actually reached the point where we can't move forward until the cost estimate is finalized since the next step is to make specific choices re: things like light fixtures.

My recent purchases were from Pacific Kitchen and Bath's annual spring parking lot sale: a Native Trails round copper prep sink for the kitchen island, and a faucet for the upstairs bath. Saved significant money this way. In addition, the punched tin pieces made by Marian Moore in Taos have arrived: 2 large sconces for the great room, 2 more (custom designed for us!) for the master bedroom, and a cat door surround that will go on the wall between the back hallway and the laundry room. (We may have her make some additional sconces for the foyer.)

What I accomplished yesterday: Finally finished filling up a new address book. The old one was shot, but getting all the current info into a new one took F-o-r-e-v-e-r! AND, the info is all in my computer. Phew!

What I accomplished today: Did ALL the laundry, totally caught up with ironing, and "installed" fresh sheets and towels. Don't have to do THAT odious chore for awhile.

Saving the World

Think you have to save the world? No; it's not your job.

Think you can't do anything at all toward saving the world? No, that's not quite right either. Take a lesson from Edward Everett Hale. I love this thought. It's why we foster little batches of kittens every summer.

"I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But I can still do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

Is there some little thing you can do today to make the world a better place? Share a ride? Show someone a kindness? Read a little so that you can speak intelligently on some subject? Prepare to vote in your next election?

I believe that if you do a little something every day, or nearly every day, you ARE saving the world.

Kermit Was Right

It's not easy being green.

You would think that building a "green" energy-efficient house would be a no-brainer. Easy. After all, there are all kinds of environmentally "friendly" products available now. Wheatboard cabinets. Bamboo flooring. Low-e coated thermal windows. Energy-efficient appliances. Solar panels. It's all out there. But when you start doing research, you find out that all these decisions aren't so easy and obvious.

Take wheatboard cabinetry for example. In some installations, the cabinets have been literally falling apart in 5 years and have to be replaced. What's green about sending cabinets to the landfill after 5 years? I've chosen cherry cabinets made from all of the cherry tree, cracks, blemishes and all. Those natural characteristics will give me the rustic look I want and ensure that little or no wood is wasted. (Leftovers go to the local high school shop class.) They are somewhat higher end cabinets, made by a small company in Minnesota, Plato. Yes, they will have to shipped 1500 miles from there to here, but these cabinets don't look like the mass-produced stuff we commonly see. Because they aren't. Plato is a small company. Employees get a living wage with benefits. We will end up with high-quality, made-in-America-for-a-living-wage cabinets that wil be in style andl last forever. Or as close to it as one can reasonably get. I think that's green. You may differ.

Our Friday meeting with the architect focused on some remaining structural issues. But also on heating, cooling, window, and energy issues, all of which are tangled together like a ball of worms. We have Jen's energy calculations. And Randy's. Will the twain meet? Eventually. In the meantime, we still are struggling to figure out how much supplemental heating we need and where. And what window coatings to choose to optimize heat gain in the winter and heat lose in the summer. It isn't as easy as just slapping in low-e coated windows and a gas stove here and there. Wish it were. We have a long ways to go to deal with those issues and make those decisions. And 2 meetings scheduled with Jen the architect next week after she meets with the engineer(s) and the builder twice earlier in the week. Did I mention that we now have both a structural AND a civil engineer on this project? Never mind the surveyor who played out his part some time ago. And here I thought we were building a structure that was just a house. Sigh. Live and learn.

A Window on the Truth

An astute reader, and probably my only reader astute or otherwise, has inquired, "What is a truth window?" Truth windows are, as far as I know, unique to straw bale buildings, although not all of them have one while some have more than one. I haven't the foggiest idea where this straw bale construction tradition started, but I think it's pretty cool.

You really can't tell that a straw bale building is a straw bale building. If you look closely, and the architecture has highlighted this, you might notice that the walls are thicker than normal, but, frankly, you can get thick walls with any number of construction techniques. You can also choose to finish the walls to highlight the undulating qualities of the bale stacks, but most people don't. So, many owners incorporate truth windows to prove that the walls are, indeed, actually made of straw.

A truth window is on an inside wall and shows the actual straw beneath the finished wall. Frequently a truth window is in the form of a frame around a piece of glass behind which, you guessed it, is the straw bale wall. Another oft used approach is to have a little door in the wall that opens to reveal the straw which may or may not be covered with glass. (Some folks want to feel as well as see their straw.)

We will have (at least) 2 truth windows. One is the little door approach, the small antique Mexican framed pantry door. (Turns out that small ones are rare; who knew.) That one will be in the library. In the laundry room we'll have an oval brass porthole. This is an actual porthole that would normally be installed in a yacht. And if my warped imagination comes across anything else too cool to pass up we may have another one somewhere.

Clothes Hangers

Remember me telling you how I'm slowly cleaning stuff out of our garage, and either getting rid of it or cleaning and packing it up for storage until getting moved into the new house? My objective is to deal with some pile, piece, box or stack of stuff most days that I'm at home. Apparently some piles, pieces, boxes and stacks will be a bit more challenging than others.

For reasons I won't even go into now, I had a huge collection of nice clothes hangers in the garage, all totally coated in dust. I spent a lot of time Tuesday cleaning them all, running batches through the quick clean cycle on the dishwasher, sorting them, and getting the hanger situation in our existing closets straightened out. Today I packed up all the ones going to the animal shelter thrift shop. Phew. I also have a small box of clean black hangers for the closet in our new library/guest room. And another box full that will go to the laundry room.

What a dopey, time-consuming job. But necessary. And with a really good set of outcomes. Joan Crawford would be proud of me, and I'm rather happy with myself, too.

2008: Week One at The Estate

You know. The Estate. Well, we have to have something to call it. Our land is 3.7 acres, but except for a small building pad, it's so steep you can't even walk on it. Deer can walk on it. Not people. '"The Building Site" has too many words. "The Estate" is short and simple.

Randy spent a lot of time January 1 and 2 planting at The Estate. He hopes to return the land to its former vegetal glory on the one hand, and increase the number of oak trees on the other. Eventually the existing mature oaks will die, so it's important to have young 'uns to take over. In anticipation of predicted rain (it came, a LOT of it!), he planted coffee berries, toyons, and something else I can't remember. And acorns. Hundreds of acorns. Acorns we harvested from the trees on site a while back, that have been resting and wintering in our refrigerator.

While it rained, we were in San Francisco at Pearson's national sales meeting. Pearson being Randy's publisher. He attended to launch the second edition of his first book. I tagged along to eat, socialize, be a bum, and shop. Damn, I'm developing a taste for Italian leather bags. Now we're home again. Randy's teaching full-time this quarter. I'm pursuing my clean-out-pack-up-and-move-stuff-to-the-storage-locker project. And generally working very hard to get and stay organized. It's going to be an intense year.

The Garage and The Storage Locker

Happy New Year! I'm so excited! 2008 is the Year of The House. I doubt there will be one boring day out of the entire 366. Even the last few days have been lots of fun. One night was dinner at Jan and Kirk's house with Nick. We talked of Nick's involvement with SLO Green Build, Jan and Kirk's wonderful RV trip to southeast Canada, Randy's trip to India, and, of course, The House since we are all interested in environmental and energy issues. Followed the next day by lunch at the Madonna Inn's Copper Coffeehouse with Wayne and Scott, friend Jim, and their wonderful beagle Eddie. Capped today by lunch with my cousin Marty and her daughter Julie who was visiting from Denver. I love these people. It was so great to see them all.

I promised a few words about the garage and the storage locker. One of the many reasons for building this new house is so that I will finally have room to pursue all my creative interests, especially weaving. I have 4 looms, but there isn't room here for 2 of them: my father's rug loom, and my 16-shaft Macomber. At the moment, like good Californians, our garage is packed with stuff that won't fit in the house. Obviously, boxes of weaving yarn and looms in pieces jammed into the garage aren't of much use to me here and now, so I'm bit by bit going through all this stuff, tossing and organizing where necessary, and carting things to a storage locker just a couple miles from the new house site. Bit by bit, nearly everything in this house will end up in storage there as we prepare to move.

There's nothing easy about this phase of the task: the garage. It's often overwhelming and frequently emotional as I shed stuff that just isn't relevant to my life anymore, however much it once was. I recently read a bit of clarifying advice about cleaning out: if it isn't immediately useful or deemed beautiful, get rid of it. I'll admit that my definition of "immediately useful" is a little loose. For example, I probably need never buy more weaving yarn, other than some basic black, of course. And beauty is clearly in the eyes of the beholder. Still, I love getting cleaned out, cleaned up and organized. When the house is ready for us, all we'll have to do is move stuff from the storage locker into the new house. Everything will be boxed and labelled. So far I've moved my basic weaving yarn into the locker along with boxes of fabric for weaving rugs. To-be-dyed yarn is now organized and boxed, ready to go into storage. Each day I resolve to tackle another box or pile or stuff, making that fateful decision: useful or beautiful? or not?

Permits, Cowboys and Doors

What an exciting couple of days it's been on the house front! Yesterday we signed the application and wrote out yet another check to submit our house plans for permitting. Because we submitted quickly to beat changes to the UBC on January 1 that would do nothing but cost us money, we'll no doubt have a rather extensive plan check process, but that's okay. At least we're in the pipeline (along with a lot of other people who are also beating the changes). We've got plenty of other things to do during the next month before we start asking the building department what's happened with our plans.

Today Santa Claus arrived in the form of our purchases made at Antiques Warehouse in Santa Fe earlier this month. The driver was a truly delightful character, something of a New Mexico cowboy. We liked him so much we'd buy more stuff from Antiques Warehouse just to visit with him again. He's one of those people you encounter now and again who obviously has lived a very different life and you just want to get to know him better to learn what he's all about. I wish this guy could have stayed for lunch, to tell you the truth. I particularly admired his hat band. Turned out to have been braided of horsehair by a friend of his, a Native American, who is serving life without parole for a drunken murder. See what I mean?

Santa brought an antique cattle yoke with 4 hand-wrought iron coat hooks attached that will go in our mud room. The second piece is a small antique Mexican pantry door (and I do mean small, maybe 20" square) that will be used as a truth window in a straw bale wall, probably in the library since there's a little red paint on it and the library and its bathroom are kind of red in theme. Third is an antique Mexican chest that will be the vanity in the library bathroom. Very simple, but with tons of character. The cream of the crop is 2 pairs of Mexican mesquite doors. These old doors were made in pairs, each panel about 18" wide, to be used as French doors. We'll probably attach them, hang them on barn door hardware, and use them between the master bedroom and its bath and walk-in closet. At least that's the current plan.

Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about the garage and the storage locker. Not such an exciting tale, but an important chapter of the story nonetheless.

A New Year A Little Early

We're 9 days short of 2008, but it's time to fulfill one resolution: to revive my blog. To follow up from my last post, the entire last AI season turned out to be a snore. But life goes on. 2008 will be a Big Year for us. We will be building our straw-bale, passive-solar house. In fact, in just 5 days the plans will be submitted for permitting. We've all been working very hard on the plans for many months: me and the architect, Randy when he's been in the country, the builder, the engineer, the draftspeople, and who knows who all else. Building a house truly is a team sport.

So, there will be lots more to come. Just today it's been a very quiet day as I'm whittling away at the pile of paper on my work table. Catching up on email. That sort of thing. Our usual Sunday breakfast with friends at a local coffee shop. Change the sheets and do some laundry. An afternoon break at Starbuck's.

American Idol 2007

Okay, 2 posts in 1 day can't be done, but I'm doin' it.

Remember Taylor Hicks? I knew he'd win last year because he stopped me dead in my tracks the first time I heard his AI audition.

I watched the auditions this year (missed the single Hollywood Week show) and thought I'd heard this year's The One, but wasn't sure. So I watched very carefully last night (the men) and tonight (the women) since the one I'd heard that very nearly stopped me in my tracks did make it to the final 24. Well, dang sisters and brothers! Looks like I'll be spending a lot of time voting again this year.

Here she is (it's a she): The One. Even Simon said of her performance, "You might as well tell the other 23 to book their plane tickets home." (We hope it's not on Jet Blue.) It's Lakisha Jones. She sang the character Effie's Big Song from Dreamgirls, "You're Gonna Love Me," or something like that. The role for which AI alum Jennifer Hudson is nominated for an Oscar. Get out, Jennifer. And I mean that literally. Jennifer, leave the stage. Lakisha was head and shoulders better than Jennifer, head and shoulders better than any of the other 23 contestants. Her song choice was dead-on to focus mega-attention on her during this first round. Smart cookie as well as terribly talented. Just like Taylor. By the way, Lakisha looked stunning tonight. Another great gambit to focus attention.

I give you the next American Idol: Lakisha Jones. Amen.

Going to Any Lengths

Randy went to San Francisco last weekend to attend a global warming conference. I had intended to go with him to research materials for the house, but stayed home instead so I could take care of our oldest cat, Spike O. Reilly. Spike is suffering from kidney failure, but is doing quite well right now with daily subcutaneous fluids and all the stinky wet cat food he wants. (Shocking because all his life Spike has been an ultra-skinny picky eater who would only consume dry kibble.)

Anyway, we had planned one outing for Sunday morning that I could not scratch from my calendar. I drove 3.5 hours very early in the day to meet Randy (who drove down from San Francisco) and our architect, Jennifer, in Los Altos at Jennifer's parents' home which Jennifer designed. It's straw-bale and passive-solar. The 3 of us examined every square inch of that house through a magnifying glass, with lots of helpful insight from Jennifer's mom. This is the first time I've ever been in a straw-bale building, the first time I've ever been in one of Jennifer's buildings. We not only loved the house, we were shocked to discover how much it is like the house we want. Who knew?! The 2 hours we spent there was well worth the 7 hours worth of driving. Of course, I did do a little shopping on the way home, and discovered a cool Mexican restaurant in Morgan Hill. Way better than the endless supply of icky fast food along Highway 101. A good day all the way around.

Monday we bought a new dishwasher. Tuesday morning it was installed. Golly! This new Kitchen Aide actually washes the dishes. And you don't have to shout to hold a conversation in the house while it's running. And a little light goes on when the dishes are clean. I'm so easily impressed.

Today? Once Charter internet woke up this morning, I made reservations and got driving directions for my friend Laurel's and my outing to Creative Castle in Newbury Park this weekend. Answered email. Got the last remnants of a sticky program off my laptop. Fed Spike a half dozen times, whenever he whined. Went to my aquakinetics class's quarterly birthday lunch. Or is that thirdly? Anyway, I was one of the "honorees" today with my December birthday. Home for some brief chores, then off to The Estate, as we call our 3.7 acres, delivering about 70 cat evacuation bags to North County Humane Society (I made 'em from old pillow cases) on the way. Met Randy at The Estate. We scattered wildflower seeds since we're supposed to get a thorough soaking rain tomorrow. We tried out a new-to-us pizza place in Atascadero for dinner. We're researching all the restaurants in our soon-to-be hometown.

And now I'm watching American Idol. The first girls' night. Mmmmm. Might have to write about that separately.

Oh yes! And you wonder why I'm not getting much of my own work done these days? Sigh. Well, one day at a time.

Ribs To Die For From Art's Bar-Be-Que

My husband grew up in Memphis, Dallas and Ft. Smith, Arkansas. I saw this connection as a way to finally get my teeth wrapped around some real southern barbeque. Not the grilled stuff. The smoked stuff. I've yet to experience more of Dallas than the airport, but I've chewed my way through a lot of barbeque in Tennessee, Oklahoma and Arkansas. The absolute best stuff I've found anywhere turns out, oddly enough, to be right in Randy's family! Who Knew?

Since Randy and I met, his widowed mom has married a retired surgeon who has 3 sons and a daughter -- 4 instant step-siblings-in-law. The daughter's Significant Other happens to be a chef. A brilliant chef. He makes barbeque, that is, he smokes meat. He has 3 barbeque restaurants in Ft. Smith and the area. ART'S BAR-BE-QUE. If you're ever there, don't miss it.

This brilliant chef isn't named Art, though. He's Eddie. Eddie York. Eddie puts out ribs that are so wonderful they need no bar-be-que sauce. I usually eat 'em straight up. Randy prefers Eddie's pulled pork. Eddie's side dishess -- ALL of them -- are also the best anywhere. He makes the best fried okra, the best potato salad, the best beans and the best onion rings. Especially the best beans and onion rings. As in, the best on the planet. I should know.

When we were in Ft. Smith for the Christmas holiday, you can be sure I ate a lot of Eddie's food. Just about every day we went to ART'S BAR-BE-QUE or ate something Eddie had catered, like the Christmas smoked turkey. As a special treat, we brought home 2 frozen racks of ribs, dry rub, and sauce. I heated up the first half rack tonight for our dinner, served with bread and honey, and dilled potato salad. My gosh! The ribs are still to die for, even after a month in the freezer. And, the ribs also provided after dinner entertainment. Randy put a few of the bones down on the floor and let our 7 cats have a go at them. Although only a few knew what to do with them, those that did had a grand time gnawing and chewing. It was a special treat for everyone in the household, each of us in our own way. Thank you Eddie!!!!

It's A New Day!

After a way too long hiatus, I'm back to blogging. Although my husband's college-age students tell him that blogging is passe. Apparently only us old farts are blogging these days. And emailing. Only us old farts are emailing. Text messaging is the "in" thing now. Forget it. I've only recently even gotten a cell phone after fighting it tooth and nail every inch of the way.

I know I have a lot to catch up on. I left a lot of loose ends hanging. One by one we'll tie them all off. I just want to mention 2 things right now. The first is that I was very nearly totally computerless last fall. All fall. Randy is working on the 2nd edition of his first book. And until only recently was finishing up the 1st edition of his second book. On top of which our beloved Mac had a parts problem. The bad part got replaced, but the replacement also failed. And then it turned out that we had to wait months for yet another replacement part. Randy gave up and bought a new, upgraded eMac. Which helped me, but not much. Only if I generally wanted to do my commuication and other work between midnight and 6 a.m. Santa finally got tired of listening to me whine and bought me a MacBook Pro for Christmas. Plus, wifi for our house. Problem solved.

The second thing is that there are moments I have hope for the world. Those moments are few and far between, so take 'em where you can get 'em. There was actually hope to be found in the morning newspaper. Page 3: photos of the 8 declared Democratic candidates for their party's presidential nomination. The front runner is a woman. Her closest challenger is an African-American man. And we're hardly blinking an eye. Then we go to the Sports page: photos of the 2 head coaches who'll be going to the Superbowl. After 41 years of Superbowls, Lovie Smith of the Chicago Bears became the first African-American head coach in the Superbowl. A mere 4 hours later, Tony Dungy of the Indianapolis Colts became the second. To quote Nancy Armour, "It's historic, and about time." I'd say that for both the candidates and the coaches. And I can't even remember the last time our Secretary of State was a white male. And then there's the Speaker of the House. Need I go on? There is some hope.

Status Report

No jokes. No photos. Maybe a teaser or two. Mostly just a status report.

For me, computer access has been scarce since Randy got home from his South American voyage. He's been writing full time all summer. Even though he'll only be teaching part time this coming academic year, and writing the rest of the time, I should be able to get at the computer more then. In the meantime---

Tomorrow morning I leave for a week-long quilting retreat with Sandi Cummings at Lake Tahoe. Sandi's aesthetic is as close to mine as anyone I know and she's a great teacher. I've been doing so much beadwork for so long now, it will be good for my making-stuff juices to get back to fiber for awhile. I'll get home just in time to do a load or two of laundry and we head out to Hilo, Hawaii (the Big Island) for almost 2 weeks in a rented vacation house on the Island's southeastern shore. The house has both a jacuzzi bathtub and a hot tub on the lanai. I intend to come back looking exactly like a prune. I also plan on getting a lot of bead stitching accomplished while Randy writes. Of course we'll be exploring, too--especially the volcanoes. I can hardly wait to get back there!

I haven't yet written about the Ghost in the Garage. She's been there a couple months now. Actually, these days the Ghost spends relatively little time in the garage. She's mostly in the house. She's small and very cute.

Nor have I written about my new adventure as an experimental drug guinea pig. A very interesting experience which is also turning out to be quite beneficial for me. Such a deal. Who would have known?

So, with those little teasers, I leave you for at least the next week. I'll be gone from you, faithful readers, but you're never far from my mind and heart. As Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on. Make it work."

The Other Side of Commercial Airflight

The following are accounts of some interesting exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world, which were never heard by passengers.

That's probably a good thing!

=========

Pilot: "Albuquerque Center, this is United 372. I have an engine that just went out and I need to land. No panic, but I need a runway that's close to my present location."

Tower: "United 372, this is Albuquerque Center. You are cleared to land at [name of Town I have never heard of] Airport immediately."

Pilot: (Who had obviously never heard of Town either) "Hey, I'm not talking some crop duster airport here, Albuquerque Center."

Tower: "United 372, that runway is 6,700 feet long. Is THAT going to be enough for you, or do you want me to send someone up to help you land?"

=========

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

=========

Center: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Center: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

=========

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

=========

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound.

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

=========

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.

While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

=========

A DC-10 had come in a little hot, and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down.

San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport."

=========

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked. "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

=========

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

=========

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown Voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

=========

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff. Contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

=========

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

=========

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't land."

=========

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to ! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

=========
And another, totally off-topic, quip:

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Words of Wisdom

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

Joke of the Day

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

New Drugs for Women

(I want some of these!)

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music, cowboys, and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

Dumb Jokes of the Day

She was Soooooooo Blonde...
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
* If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
* She thinks Taco Bell is the MEXICAN PHONE COMPANY.

TOP 10 THOUGHTS FOR THE MOMENT

# 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

# 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

# 8 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.

# 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

# 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

# 5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

# 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

# 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 dollars and a substantial tax cut save you 50 cents?

# 2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR THE MOMENT: We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in the US, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DMV in charge of immigration.

House Rules for Our Pets

Here are the House Rules we have posted for our 7 cats. You might find them useful at your house, too.

These rules are to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

10 Reasons Why God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask for directions.

9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)

8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.

7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.

4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.

3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.

2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."

1. And the No.1 reason of all [Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.]: God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that."