No jokes. No photos. Maybe a teaser or two. Mostly just a status report.
For me, computer access has been scarce since Randy got home from his South American voyage. He's been writing full time all summer. Even though he'll only be teaching part time this coming academic year, and writing the rest of the time, I should be able to get at the computer more then. In the meantime---
Tomorrow morning I leave for a week-long quilting retreat with Sandi Cummings at Lake Tahoe. Sandi's aesthetic is as close to mine as anyone I know and she's a great teacher. I've been doing so much beadwork for so long now, it will be good for my making-stuff juices to get back to fiber for awhile. I'll get home just in time to do a load or two of laundry and we head out to Hilo, Hawaii (the Big Island) for almost 2 weeks in a rented vacation house on the Island's southeastern shore. The house has both a jacuzzi bathtub and a hot tub on the lanai. I intend to come back looking exactly like a prune. I also plan on getting a lot of bead stitching accomplished while Randy writes. Of course we'll be exploring, too--especially the volcanoes. I can hardly wait to get back there!
I haven't yet written about the Ghost in the Garage. She's been there a couple months now. Actually, these days the Ghost spends relatively little time in the garage. She's mostly in the house. She's small and very cute.
Nor have I written about my new adventure as an experimental drug guinea pig. A very interesting experience which is also turning out to be quite beneficial for me. Such a deal. Who would have known?
So, with those little teasers, I leave you for at least the next week. I'll be gone from you, faithful readers, but you're never far from my mind and heart. As Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on. Make it work."
Friday, August 25, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
The Other Side of Commercial Airflight
The following are accounts of some interesting exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world, which were never heard by passengers.
That's probably a good thing!
=========
Pilot: "Albuquerque Center, this is United 372. I have an engine that just went out and I need to land. No panic, but I need a runway that's close to my present location."
Tower: "United 372, this is Albuquerque Center. You are cleared to land at [name of Town I have never heard of] Airport immediately."
Pilot: (Who had obviously never heard of Town either) "Hey, I'm not talking some crop duster airport here, Albuquerque Center."
Tower: "United 372, that runway is 6,700 feet long. Is THAT going to be enough for you, or do you want me to send someone up to help you land?"
=========
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
=========
Center: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Center: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
=========
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
=========
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound.
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=========
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
=========
A DC-10 had come in a little hot, and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport."
=========
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked. "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
=========
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
=========
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown Voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
=========
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff. Contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
=========
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
=========
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't land."
=========
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to ! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
=========
And another, totally off-topic, quip:
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
That's probably a good thing!
=========
Pilot: "Albuquerque Center, this is United 372. I have an engine that just went out and I need to land. No panic, but I need a runway that's close to my present location."
Tower: "United 372, this is Albuquerque Center. You are cleared to land at [name of Town I have never heard of] Airport immediately."
Pilot: (Who had obviously never heard of Town either) "Hey, I'm not talking some crop duster airport here, Albuquerque Center."
Tower: "United 372, that runway is 6,700 feet long. Is THAT going to be enough for you, or do you want me to send someone up to help you land?"
=========
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
=========
Center: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Center: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
=========
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
=========
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound.
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=========
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
=========
A DC-10 had come in a little hot, and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport."
=========
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked. "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
=========
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
=========
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown Voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
=========
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff. Contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
=========
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
=========
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't land."
=========
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to ! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
=========
And another, totally off-topic, quip:
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Words of Wisdom
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Joke of the Day
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
New Drugs for Women
(I want some of these!)
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music, cowboys, and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music, cowboys, and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Dumb Jokes of the Day
She was Soooooooo Blonde...
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
* If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
* She thinks Taco Bell is the MEXICAN PHONE COMPANY.
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
* If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
* She thinks Taco Bell is the MEXICAN PHONE COMPANY.
Monday, July 31, 2006
TOP 10 THOUGHTS FOR THE MOMENT
# 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
# 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
# 8 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
# 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
# 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
# 5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
# 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
# 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 dollars and a substantial tax cut save you 50 cents?
# 2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR THE MOMENT: We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in the US, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DMV in charge of immigration.
# 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
# 8 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
# 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
# 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
# 5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
# 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
# 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 dollars and a substantial tax cut save you 50 cents?
# 2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR THE MOMENT: We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in the US, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DMV in charge of immigration.
House Rules for Our Pets
Here are the House Rules we have posted for our 7 cats. You might find them useful at your house, too.
These rules are to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
These rules are to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
10 Reasons Why God Created Eve
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask for directions.
9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.
7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.
4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."
1. And the No.1 reason of all [Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.]: God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that."
9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.
7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.
4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."
1. And the No.1 reason of all [Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.]: God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that."
Monday, June 26, 2006
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/26/06 (#48)
"Looks like my last email, since you'll be heading up to Bezerkeley tomorrow.
"Still hanging off Catalina at 4:30. We've finished the going in circles part, but some cadets also have to go through a drill of launching the fast boat, driving around, and then of catching the crane line to get the boat hoisted back aboard. That's still going on, but I imagine we'll be getting underway before dark. A fairly slow puttering up the coast since we have more than enough time to get to SF by Wednesday morning. I think we pick up a bay pilot just outside the Golden Gate about 6 a.m. and hope to tie up by around 8. Don't know our anticipated speed, but probably passing Morro Rock about breakfast time. Maybe they could just drop us off.
"Gave my last final this afternoon, and hope to finish grading it by dinner time. Then will only have to add up the scores and get grades assigned. Tomorrow will be packing and cleaning up, although that really shouldn't take too long.
"Graduation went off fine last night, although it was pretty windy. Afterwards, the students were allowed to play music and dance on the patio deck until 2100. That's 9 p.m. for you land lubbers. Although I think some might have used the time more productively studying for my final!
"I think that's going to wrap it up from TSGB. See you Wednesday morning!"
"Still hanging off Catalina at 4:30. We've finished the going in circles part, but some cadets also have to go through a drill of launching the fast boat, driving around, and then of catching the crane line to get the boat hoisted back aboard. That's still going on, but I imagine we'll be getting underway before dark. A fairly slow puttering up the coast since we have more than enough time to get to SF by Wednesday morning. I think we pick up a bay pilot just outside the Golden Gate about 6 a.m. and hope to tie up by around 8. Don't know our anticipated speed, but probably passing Morro Rock about breakfast time. Maybe they could just drop us off.
"Gave my last final this afternoon, and hope to finish grading it by dinner time. Then will only have to add up the scores and get grades assigned. Tomorrow will be packing and cleaning up, although that really shouldn't take too long.
"Graduation went off fine last night, although it was pretty windy. Afterwards, the students were allowed to play music and dance on the patio deck until 2100. That's 9 p.m. for you land lubbers. Although I think some might have used the time more productively studying for my final!
"I think that's going to wrap it up from TSGB. See you Wednesday morning!"
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/25/06 (#47)
"Arrived off Catalina about 9:30. We drove pretty much the entire length, coming up the east side (the LA side), then turned back to roughly the middle of the island (north of Avalon, south of Two Harbors) where we've been going in circles since as cadets practice rubber docking. Hazy sun (can't see the mainland), and even a few sprinkles before lunch from a little summer monsoon moisture.
"As we were heading up the island, a group of about 10 jet skis blasting their way from Long Beach to Avalon cut right under the bow of the ship. It looked like a couple came within 10 yards. The ship twice blew the 'I'm preparing to run you down' alarm on the big horn (5 short blasts), but the skidiots (how's that for a new word!) weren't impressed. Otherwise, quite a
bit of small boat traffic, this being a summer Sunday, but the others have managed to keep their distance.
"I've learned from the officers what they call 'the law of gross tonnage.' That's a euphemism for 'might makes right.' We're a hell of a lot bigger than you, and we ain't stopping.
"Cadets by the dozen (and a few faculty) lined the rails with cell phones this morning as we came within range of the cell-phone antennas at Avalon. It was quite a sight.
"Two finals down, one to go on Monday. The girl with the 'gentleman's D' in oceanography did, as anticipated, fail astronomy. An exam score truly beyond the pale, literally no better than random guessing on 90 multiple choice and a whopping 3 out of 10 points on two short answer questions. I've rarely seen a more honestly earned F. Wouldn't you love to be the fly on the wall when she reports home to Mom and Dad?
"Stacy didn't rescheduled her slide show, so I and half the Cal Poly students (who were taking my astronomy exam) missed it. Many of them, though, are in her Cultural Anthropology class and have heard quite a bit about it.
"Graduation tonight, at 6:30, for the 'class of one.' Wind has been picking up, so I'll have to bundle up warmly to sit out on the patio deck for awhile. Otherwise, trying to push my way through a couple of chapters of editing, although I have no great enthusiasm."
"As we were heading up the island, a group of about 10 jet skis blasting their way from Long Beach to Avalon cut right under the bow of the ship. It looked like a couple came within 10 yards. The ship twice blew the 'I'm preparing to run you down' alarm on the big horn (5 short blasts), but the skidiots (how's that for a new word!) weren't impressed. Otherwise, quite a
bit of small boat traffic, this being a summer Sunday, but the others have managed to keep their distance.
"I've learned from the officers what they call 'the law of gross tonnage.' That's a euphemism for 'might makes right.' We're a hell of a lot bigger than you, and we ain't stopping.
"Cadets by the dozen (and a few faculty) lined the rails with cell phones this morning as we came within range of the cell-phone antennas at Avalon. It was quite a sight.
"Two finals down, one to go on Monday. The girl with the 'gentleman's D' in oceanography did, as anticipated, fail astronomy. An exam score truly beyond the pale, literally no better than random guessing on 90 multiple choice and a whopping 3 out of 10 points on two short answer questions. I've rarely seen a more honestly earned F. Wouldn't you love to be the fly on the wall when she reports home to Mom and Dad?
"Stacy didn't rescheduled her slide show, so I and half the Cal Poly students (who were taking my astronomy exam) missed it. Many of them, though, are in her Cultural Anthropology class and have heard quite a bit about it.
"Graduation tonight, at 6:30, for the 'class of one.' Wind has been picking up, so I'll have to bundle up warmly to sit out on the patio deck for awhile. Otherwise, trying to push my way through a couple of chapters of editing, although I have no great enthusiasm."
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/24/06 (#46)
"Still windy and cool. Foggy most of the day, with only occasional blue holes, but it has cleared late this afternoon. We should cross the border back into the U.S. about 3 a.m. and arrive off Catalina about 8 a.m. for a day-and-a-half of various cadet training exercises. Life will go on as normal for the rest of us.
"Gave my oceanography final this morning. My Bataan Death March speech after the second midterm apparently had an affect on one of the two girls who were my main targets. She pulled together a much improved performance and ended up with a C. But the other was pretty much unchanged. I gave her a 'gentleman's D,' although she really should have failed. But I'm anticipating she'll fail astronomy, coming up right after dinner.
"Stacy is giving a slide show tonight about her anthropological field work with a mostly hunter-gatherer tribe in the jungles of Bolivia. She had scheduled it for 7, but we'll be in the midst of the astronomy final. I asked her to reschedule for 8. I haven't yet seen today's Bear's Tale (usually comes out right before dinner) to see if she did, but I hope so. I've heard various tales over dinner, but it would be nice to get a coherent presentation with pictures.
"Not much other news. Spent the afternoon grading and finishing the book review I'm writing. Should be able to get back to 2e revisions tomorrow. Off to dinner now, so that I'll be well fed for the astronomy exam."
"Gave my oceanography final this morning. My Bataan Death March speech after the second midterm apparently had an affect on one of the two girls who were my main targets. She pulled together a much improved performance and ended up with a C. But the other was pretty much unchanged. I gave her a 'gentleman's D,' although she really should have failed. But I'm anticipating she'll fail astronomy, coming up right after dinner.
"Stacy is giving a slide show tonight about her anthropological field work with a mostly hunter-gatherer tribe in the jungles of Bolivia. She had scheduled it for 7, but we'll be in the midst of the astronomy final. I asked her to reschedule for 8. I haven't yet seen today's Bear's Tale (usually comes out right before dinner) to see if she did, but I hope so. I've heard various tales over dinner, but it would be nice to get a coherent presentation with pictures.
"Not much other news. Spent the afternoon grading and finishing the book review I'm writing. Should be able to get back to 2e revisions tomorrow. Off to dinner now, so that I'll be well fed for the astronomy exam."
Friday, June 23, 2006
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/23/06 (#45)
"One more class to go tonight, astronomy, and that wraps up classes. First final is 9 a.m. tomorrow! No rest for the weary.
"We're definitely back into the north Pacific. Those calm tropical seas with gentle breezes are behind us. 20 mph winds are kicking up white caps and rough seas. And since we're heading straight into the wind at about 12 mph, the apparent wind on deck is over 30 mph. Invigorating! Will probably be like this the rest of the trip. Had some marine-layer clouds and fog this morning, cleared this afternoon with a temp of about 65. It's not bad out if you can stand behind something to block the wind a bit, but the rougher seas make it hard to spot any wildlife. Our booby escort, which was pretty constant throughout the tropics, has abandoned us.
"Speaking of boobies, we've usually had 3 or 4 around. Two nights ago, right at sunset, we were surrounded by a flock of 50 or 60 brown boobies. It was like we were the giant 'mother booby,' and they are all just flying along with us, some on one side, some on the other. And we passed through a school of dolphin to complete the picture.
"Otherwise, not much to report today. Wrapping up chores, grading, trying to finish a book review I agreed to write last summer."
"We're definitely back into the north Pacific. Those calm tropical seas with gentle breezes are behind us. 20 mph winds are kicking up white caps and rough seas. And since we're heading straight into the wind at about 12 mph, the apparent wind on deck is over 30 mph. Invigorating! Will probably be like this the rest of the trip. Had some marine-layer clouds and fog this morning, cleared this afternoon with a temp of about 65. It's not bad out if you can stand behind something to block the wind a bit, but the rougher seas make it hard to spot any wildlife. Our booby escort, which was pretty constant throughout the tropics, has abandoned us.
"Speaking of boobies, we've usually had 3 or 4 around. Two nights ago, right at sunset, we were surrounded by a flock of 50 or 60 brown boobies. It was like we were the giant 'mother booby,' and they are all just flying along with us, some on one side, some on the other. And we passed through a school of dolphin to complete the picture.
"Otherwise, not much to report today. Wrapping up chores, grading, trying to finish a book review I agreed to write last summer."
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/22/06 (#44)
"Rounded Baja about noon today, as expected, although about 50 miles offshore so nothing to see. It was 90 degrees Tuesday, 82 yesterday, and down to 70 this afternoon. I think we'll all be back into sweatshirts by tomorrow.
"Lee's party went off well. Either he truly was surprised, or he faked it well. Now we're planning graduation for Sunday. Any graduating seniors missed the Cal Poly graduation, so they've traditionally had a little ceremony on board. Only, this year we have but a single graduating student. He's both the valedictorian of his class and, in CMA jargon, the anchor man. But tradition must be fulfilled, so the ceremony will go on with this singular guest of honor. The senior officers will be there in uniform, there'll be a color guard, a few short speeches, and a reception to follow. All Sunday evening as we're going in circles around Catalina. As a Cal Poly faculty I'll be seated on the 'platform,' but I managed to weasel out of having to say or do anything.
"Tomorrow is the last day of classes. I'm right on schedule in astronomy, actually a half-day ahead in oceanography, so we'll only meet for 30 minutes, and could use another couple of days in energy. Oh well. Two exams on Saturday, one on Monday. But at least I've graded all my energy essays, in a marathon grading session yesterday afternoon and this morning.
"Have to go make sure my astronomy slides are together for tonight, then off to dinner."
"Lee's party went off well. Either he truly was surprised, or he faked it well. Now we're planning graduation for Sunday. Any graduating seniors missed the Cal Poly graduation, so they've traditionally had a little ceremony on board. Only, this year we have but a single graduating student. He's both the valedictorian of his class and, in CMA jargon, the anchor man. But tradition must be fulfilled, so the ceremony will go on with this singular guest of honor. The senior officers will be there in uniform, there'll be a color guard, a few short speeches, and a reception to follow. All Sunday evening as we're going in circles around Catalina. As a Cal Poly faculty I'll be seated on the 'platform,' but I managed to weasel out of having to say or do anything.
"Tomorrow is the last day of classes. I'm right on schedule in astronomy, actually a half-day ahead in oceanography, so we'll only meet for 30 minutes, and could use another couple of days in energy. Oh well. Two exams on Saturday, one on Monday. But at least I've graded all my energy essays, in a marathon grading session yesterday afternoon and this morning.
"Have to go make sure my astronomy slides are together for tonight, then off to dinner."
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Tips for Dealing With Daily Stresses
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp. Some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp. Some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/21/06 (#43)
"Students in my energy class turned in their essays today, so I'm in the throes of grading. A mixed bag, as usual.
"The students are having a surprise 'retirement party' for Lee Parker after dinner tonight. He's unaware - that is, if all has gone well and no one has slipped up. The captain is going to page him over the PA system: 'Professor Parker, please report to the patio on the 03 deck.' I cancelled astronomy so that this can happen. Just added on a few extra minutes to other nights to make up. I don't usually go the full hour in astronomy anyway, so that was no big deal.
"Had a nice thunderstorm with lightning and booming about 4 a.m. But I wasn't interested enough to really wake up and see it. Sun was out when I got up at 6:30. This is probably our last hot day. We'll round the tip of Baja by noon tomorrow, then we'll start to get into cooler water. Satellite photos show the marine layer extending almost to the tip of Baja. In fact, I just noticed, on my way down to the computer room, some puffy 'pre fog' type clouds developing this afternoon.
"We have a 2-star admiral on board. He joined us in Costa Rica. Actually, a retired admiral. As I understand it, he now does 'consulting' work, including for MARAD - Marine Administration - the governmental agency that actually owns the ship. His job - for which I presume he's well paid - is to act as an 'observer.' That seems to consist mostly of sitting on the bridge kibitzing with officers and cadets on watch. Apparently he does this every couple of years since most of the officers already knew him. After we arrive in Vallejo, he flies to Hawaii to 'observe' some ship that the Navy is re-commissioning. Tough life for retired admirals. But he's a jovial sort and is entertaining at dinner. Anyway, having an admiral aboard requires certain naval protocol. Apparently we will be flying his flag when we enter San Francisco Bay. (Admirals are called 'flag rank,' and ships carrying an admiral flies their special flag to denote their presence aboard.) All government ships, such as Coast Guard, are supposed to see his flag and 'dip' their flag - although I don't really know what that means - in deference. Of course, we'd have to then dip our flag in the very unlike event that we pass a ship with a 3 or 4 star admiral. It should be entertaining."
"The students are having a surprise 'retirement party' for Lee Parker after dinner tonight. He's unaware - that is, if all has gone well and no one has slipped up. The captain is going to page him over the PA system: 'Professor Parker, please report to the patio on the 03 deck.' I cancelled astronomy so that this can happen. Just added on a few extra minutes to other nights to make up. I don't usually go the full hour in astronomy anyway, so that was no big deal.
"Had a nice thunderstorm with lightning and booming about 4 a.m. But I wasn't interested enough to really wake up and see it. Sun was out when I got up at 6:30. This is probably our last hot day. We'll round the tip of Baja by noon tomorrow, then we'll start to get into cooler water. Satellite photos show the marine layer extending almost to the tip of Baja. In fact, I just noticed, on my way down to the computer room, some puffy 'pre fog' type clouds developing this afternoon.
"We have a 2-star admiral on board. He joined us in Costa Rica. Actually, a retired admiral. As I understand it, he now does 'consulting' work, including for MARAD - Marine Administration - the governmental agency that actually owns the ship. His job - for which I presume he's well paid - is to act as an 'observer.' That seems to consist mostly of sitting on the bridge kibitzing with officers and cadets on watch. Apparently he does this every couple of years since most of the officers already knew him. After we arrive in Vallejo, he flies to Hawaii to 'observe' some ship that the Navy is re-commissioning. Tough life for retired admirals. But he's a jovial sort and is entertaining at dinner. Anyway, having an admiral aboard requires certain naval protocol. Apparently we will be flying his flag when we enter San Francisco Bay. (Admirals are called 'flag rank,' and ships carrying an admiral flies their special flag to denote their presence aboard.) All government ships, such as Coast Guard, are supposed to see his flag and 'dip' their flag - although I don't really know what that means - in deference. Of course, we'd have to then dip our flag in the very unlike event that we pass a ship with a 3 or 4 star admiral. It should be entertaining."
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/20/06 (#42)
"Pretty dull today. Passed Acapulco this morning, but we're well offshore and not seeing any land. Still hot and sunny (for a couple more days until we round the tip of Baja), but didn't see anything especially interesting. Perhaps a couple of dolphin in the distance. Even our boobie escort seems to have left us.
"Don't want to make you nervous, but they've turned off the GPS on the bridge and the cadets have been piloting by dead reckoning since we left Costa Rica. Locating our position by celestial navigation and plotting our course on charts. They do get to use the ship's chronometers for assistance with determining longitude. (Remember Harrison's clocks in the 'Longitude' book and PBS special?) And they do still have the radar on, which I think would help us avoid running into anything as large as Mexico. But the Captain doesn't seem worried, so I presume they're doing OK.
"Otherwise, I'm finishing up preparations for the last classes, writing a final exam for my energy class (the other two were already written), grading, and doing the same dull end-of-quarter chores I would have done at home. But at least I can look at my window at the sea!"
"Don't want to make you nervous, but they've turned off the GPS on the bridge and the cadets have been piloting by dead reckoning since we left Costa Rica. Locating our position by celestial navigation and plotting our course on charts. They do get to use the ship's chronometers for assistance with determining longitude. (Remember Harrison's clocks in the 'Longitude' book and PBS special?) And they do still have the radar on, which I think would help us avoid running into anything as large as Mexico. But the Captain doesn't seem worried, so I presume they're doing OK.
"Otherwise, I'm finishing up preparations for the last classes, writing a final exam for my energy class (the other two were already written), grading, and doing the same dull end-of-quarter chores I would have done at home. But at least I can look at my window at the sea!"
Monday, June 19, 2006
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/19/06 (#41)
"Not a hint of a breeze this morning, so the ocean was glassy calm. You could see anything moving on the surface from miles away. And that was mostly turtles. I saw 7 or 8 in the space of 15 minutes, and the morning watch on the bridge (8 to 12) reported counting over 70. Fewer this afternoon, although I did see one with a bird riding on it. And I didn't see any at all late this afternoon when I was out for about 10 minutes. The turtles are all just slowly paddling along on the surface with the top of their shell out of the water. (That's where the bird was.) I'd judge most to be about a foot in diameter. Right alongside the ship I did see one turtle underwater heading straight down. Apparently we got too close to him, and he signaled 'Dive! Dive! Dive!' But ones 50 yards away were oblivious to our passing.
"This afternoon was the 'Mesoamerican Ballgame.' Stacy's Cultural Anthropology class did a re-enactment of a mesoamerican ballgame, complete with priests, royalty, two virgins who were sacrificed, and two teams of 4 who played the game in two 7-minute halves. It was warriors against slaves, and - in keeping with tradition - the captain of the losing team was killed. It was a close-fought contest, tied 2-2 late in the game, but the warriors pulled out a last minute score to win 3-2. I'm sorry to say I had bet our house and three children on the slaves. We'll have to live on the streets for awhile, and the children will be sold into slavery. But, on the bright side, we won't have to feed them anymore.
"The virgin sacrifice was nicely done. The two virgins were led out and laid on cots. A priestess bent over each one to cut out her heart. As each priestess bent over, she reached under the cot and pulled out a ketchup-soaked apple to hold up in the air!
"The games concluded - for the living - with traditional refreshments of lemonade and ice cream.
"Otherwise, just another Monday. Trying to wrap up classes and homework. I've got essays due in one class on Wednesday, have to write a final activity for another class, and exams start on Saturday. "
"This afternoon was the 'Mesoamerican Ballgame.' Stacy's Cultural Anthropology class did a re-enactment of a mesoamerican ballgame, complete with priests, royalty, two virgins who were sacrificed, and two teams of 4 who played the game in two 7-minute halves. It was warriors against slaves, and - in keeping with tradition - the captain of the losing team was killed. It was a close-fought contest, tied 2-2 late in the game, but the warriors pulled out a last minute score to win 3-2. I'm sorry to say I had bet our house and three children on the slaves. We'll have to live on the streets for awhile, and the children will be sold into slavery. But, on the bright side, we won't have to feed them anymore.
"The virgin sacrifice was nicely done. The two virgins were led out and laid on cots. A priestess bent over each one to cut out her heart. As each priestess bent over, she reached under the cot and pulled out a ketchup-soaked apple to hold up in the air!
"The games concluded - for the living - with traditional refreshments of lemonade and ice cream.
"Otherwise, just another Monday. Trying to wrap up classes and homework. I've got essays due in one class on Wednesday, have to write a final activity for another class, and exams start on Saturday. "
Seaman Randy Knight Checking In on 6/18/06 (#40)
"Started sunny, then some thundershowers in late morning, then cleared for the Sinbad Games. Each of the cadet divisions, with Cal Poly students added in here and there, participated in various contests. Such as the hawser toss. Hawsers are the really big (and really heavy) ropes they use to tie up a ship to the dock. Participants had to try tossing the loop at the end of the hawser over a horn about 8 feet away. Most couldn't throw it that far, much less hit the horn. Then there was 'line tossing,' both for distance and for accuracy. Accuracy required trying to get the weight on the end of the line into a large bucket about 50 feet away.
"Especially popular was the bosun's chair relay. One of the ship's cranes held a pulley about 20 feet above the deck with a rope over it. Each student in a team of 4 had to tie one end of the rope around themselves in a double-loop fashion called a bosun's chair. One loop goes around the waist, the other under the butt so that you can sit on that loop and get hoisted. (This is how sailors were hoisted up the mast in days of yore to do rigging.) Once roped up, another student hoisted them up and they had to touch the pulley at the top. One all Cal Poly group of 4 did quite well. I think they were shown how to tie the rope a couple of days ago and had been practicing. A couple of CMA cadet teams failed because one or more team member couldn't manage to get themselves tied up correctly.
"But the most popular - at least for us spectators - was the 'leaky pipe.' The ship's engineers had rigged up the most horrid looking conglomeration of pipes that had holes in them, missing gaskets, missing plugs, missing bolts, etc. And it was all hooked up to the fire hose, which runs at 100 psi pressure. When they opened the value, water came spraying out absolutely everywhere in a huge geyser. Teams of 5 had 10 minutes to try to patch as many holes as possible - all while the water is spraying everywhere. And this is salt water, mind you, although the team members did wear goggles. They were scored by how much they could raise the pressure at the end of the pipe, which was less than 10 psi at the beginning due to all the holes. Some teams made absolutely no progress in 10 minutes, but one team, while not patching all the leaks, managed to get it sealed up enough to get the pressure up to 60 psi. One team had two Cal Poly women who had never seen a pipe wrench or a hose clamp. I gave them some quick 'Plumbing 101' coaching, but it wasn't enough. Theirs was one of the least successful teams.
"But a good time was had by all, and the games were followed by a barbeque on the fantail. Ribs this time, although not as good as the ribs at our first barbeque back in early May
"Mom managed to get my birthday dessert out for lunch today. It wasn't actually chocolate mousse, but a black-and-white cake with a rather mousse-like frosting. Quite tasty. I suspect there's some left in the ward room, and I'm going to go check after finishing this email.
"I've got to get some end-of-quarter course materials together. Just 5 days of classes left, through Friday, then final exams on Saturday and next Monday."
"Especially popular was the bosun's chair relay. One of the ship's cranes held a pulley about 20 feet above the deck with a rope over it. Each student in a team of 4 had to tie one end of the rope around themselves in a double-loop fashion called a bosun's chair. One loop goes around the waist, the other under the butt so that you can sit on that loop and get hoisted. (This is how sailors were hoisted up the mast in days of yore to do rigging.) Once roped up, another student hoisted them up and they had to touch the pulley at the top. One all Cal Poly group of 4 did quite well. I think they were shown how to tie the rope a couple of days ago and had been practicing. A couple of CMA cadet teams failed because one or more team member couldn't manage to get themselves tied up correctly.
"But the most popular - at least for us spectators - was the 'leaky pipe.' The ship's engineers had rigged up the most horrid looking conglomeration of pipes that had holes in them, missing gaskets, missing plugs, missing bolts, etc. And it was all hooked up to the fire hose, which runs at 100 psi pressure. When they opened the value, water came spraying out absolutely everywhere in a huge geyser. Teams of 5 had 10 minutes to try to patch as many holes as possible - all while the water is spraying everywhere. And this is salt water, mind you, although the team members did wear goggles. They were scored by how much they could raise the pressure at the end of the pipe, which was less than 10 psi at the beginning due to all the holes. Some teams made absolutely no progress in 10 minutes, but one team, while not patching all the leaks, managed to get it sealed up enough to get the pressure up to 60 psi. One team had two Cal Poly women who had never seen a pipe wrench or a hose clamp. I gave them some quick 'Plumbing 101' coaching, but it wasn't enough. Theirs was one of the least successful teams.
"But a good time was had by all, and the games were followed by a barbeque on the fantail. Ribs this time, although not as good as the ribs at our first barbeque back in early May
"Mom managed to get my birthday dessert out for lunch today. It wasn't actually chocolate mousse, but a black-and-white cake with a rather mousse-like frosting. Quite tasty. I suspect there's some left in the ward room, and I'm going to go check after finishing this email.
"I've got to get some end-of-quarter course materials together. Just 5 days of classes left, through Friday, then final exams on Saturday and next Monday."
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