Think you have to save the world? No; it's not your job.
Think you can't do anything at all toward saving the world? No, that's not quite right either. Take a lesson from Edward Everett Hale. I love this thought. It's why we foster little batches of kittens every summer.
"I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But I can still do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."
Is there some little thing you can do today to make the world a better place? Share a ride? Show someone a kindness? Read a little so that you can speak intelligently on some subject? Prepare to vote in your next election?
I believe that if you do a little something every day, or nearly every day, you ARE saving the world.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Kermit Was Right
It's not easy being green.
You would think that building a "green" energy-efficient house would be a no-brainer. Easy. After all, there are all kinds of environmentally "friendly" products available now. Wheatboard cabinets. Bamboo flooring. Low-e coated thermal windows. Energy-efficient appliances. Solar panels. It's all out there. But when you start doing research, you find out that all these decisions aren't so easy and obvious.
Take wheatboard cabinetry for example. In some installations, the cabinets have been literally falling apart in 5 years and have to be replaced. What's green about sending cabinets to the landfill after 5 years? I've chosen cherry cabinets made from all of the cherry tree, cracks, blemishes and all. Those natural characteristics will give me the rustic look I want and ensure that little or no wood is wasted. (Leftovers go to the local high school shop class.) They are somewhat higher end cabinets, made by a small company in Minnesota, Plato. Yes, they will have to shipped 1500 miles from there to here, but these cabinets don't look like the mass-produced stuff we commonly see. Because they aren't. Plato is a small company. Employees get a living wage with benefits. We will end up with high-quality, made-in-America-for-a-living-wage cabinets that wil be in style andl last forever. Or as close to it as one can reasonably get. I think that's green. You may differ.
Our Friday meeting with the architect focused on some remaining structural issues. But also on heating, cooling, window, and energy issues, all of which are tangled together like a ball of worms. We have Jen's energy calculations. And Randy's. Will the twain meet? Eventually. In the meantime, we still are struggling to figure out how much supplemental heating we need and where. And what window coatings to choose to optimize heat gain in the winter and heat lose in the summer. It isn't as easy as just slapping in low-e coated windows and a gas stove here and there. Wish it were. We have a long ways to go to deal with those issues and make those decisions. And 2 meetings scheduled with Jen the architect next week after she meets with the engineer(s) and the builder twice earlier in the week. Did I mention that we now have both a structural AND a civil engineer on this project? Never mind the surveyor who played out his part some time ago. And here I thought we were building a structure that was just a house. Sigh. Live and learn.
You would think that building a "green" energy-efficient house would be a no-brainer. Easy. After all, there are all kinds of environmentally "friendly" products available now. Wheatboard cabinets. Bamboo flooring. Low-e coated thermal windows. Energy-efficient appliances. Solar panels. It's all out there. But when you start doing research, you find out that all these decisions aren't so easy and obvious.
Take wheatboard cabinetry for example. In some installations, the cabinets have been literally falling apart in 5 years and have to be replaced. What's green about sending cabinets to the landfill after 5 years? I've chosen cherry cabinets made from all of the cherry tree, cracks, blemishes and all. Those natural characteristics will give me the rustic look I want and ensure that little or no wood is wasted. (Leftovers go to the local high school shop class.) They are somewhat higher end cabinets, made by a small company in Minnesota, Plato. Yes, they will have to shipped 1500 miles from there to here, but these cabinets don't look like the mass-produced stuff we commonly see. Because they aren't. Plato is a small company. Employees get a living wage with benefits. We will end up with high-quality, made-in-America-for-a-living-wage cabinets that wil be in style andl last forever. Or as close to it as one can reasonably get. I think that's green. You may differ.
Our Friday meeting with the architect focused on some remaining structural issues. But also on heating, cooling, window, and energy issues, all of which are tangled together like a ball of worms. We have Jen's energy calculations. And Randy's. Will the twain meet? Eventually. In the meantime, we still are struggling to figure out how much supplemental heating we need and where. And what window coatings to choose to optimize heat gain in the winter and heat lose in the summer. It isn't as easy as just slapping in low-e coated windows and a gas stove here and there. Wish it were. We have a long ways to go to deal with those issues and make those decisions. And 2 meetings scheduled with Jen the architect next week after she meets with the engineer(s) and the builder twice earlier in the week. Did I mention that we now have both a structural AND a civil engineer on this project? Never mind the surveyor who played out his part some time ago. And here I thought we were building a structure that was just a house. Sigh. Live and learn.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
A Window on the Truth
An astute reader, and probably my only reader astute or otherwise, has inquired, "What is a truth window?" Truth windows are, as far as I know, unique to straw bale buildings, although not all of them have one while some have more than one. I haven't the foggiest idea where this straw bale construction tradition started, but I think it's pretty cool.
You really can't tell that a straw bale building is a straw bale building. If you look closely, and the architecture has highlighted this, you might notice that the walls are thicker than normal, but, frankly, you can get thick walls with any number of construction techniques. You can also choose to finish the walls to highlight the undulating qualities of the bale stacks, but most people don't. So, many owners incorporate truth windows to prove that the walls are, indeed, actually made of straw.
A truth window is on an inside wall and shows the actual straw beneath the finished wall. Frequently a truth window is in the form of a frame around a piece of glass behind which, you guessed it, is the straw bale wall. Another oft used approach is to have a little door in the wall that opens to reveal the straw which may or may not be covered with glass. (Some folks want to feel as well as see their straw.)
We will have (at least) 2 truth windows. One is the little door approach, the small antique Mexican framed pantry door. (Turns out that small ones are rare; who knew.) That one will be in the library. In the laundry room we'll have an oval brass porthole. This is an actual porthole that would normally be installed in a yacht. And if my warped imagination comes across anything else too cool to pass up we may have another one somewhere.
You really can't tell that a straw bale building is a straw bale building. If you look closely, and the architecture has highlighted this, you might notice that the walls are thicker than normal, but, frankly, you can get thick walls with any number of construction techniques. You can also choose to finish the walls to highlight the undulating qualities of the bale stacks, but most people don't. So, many owners incorporate truth windows to prove that the walls are, indeed, actually made of straw.
A truth window is on an inside wall and shows the actual straw beneath the finished wall. Frequently a truth window is in the form of a frame around a piece of glass behind which, you guessed it, is the straw bale wall. Another oft used approach is to have a little door in the wall that opens to reveal the straw which may or may not be covered with glass. (Some folks want to feel as well as see their straw.)
We will have (at least) 2 truth windows. One is the little door approach, the small antique Mexican framed pantry door. (Turns out that small ones are rare; who knew.) That one will be in the library. In the laundry room we'll have an oval brass porthole. This is an actual porthole that would normally be installed in a yacht. And if my warped imagination comes across anything else too cool to pass up we may have another one somewhere.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Clothes Hangers
Remember me telling you how I'm slowly cleaning stuff out of our garage, and either getting rid of it or cleaning and packing it up for storage until getting moved into the new house? My objective is to deal with some pile, piece, box or stack of stuff most days that I'm at home. Apparently some piles, pieces, boxes and stacks will be a bit more challenging than others.
For reasons I won't even go into now, I had a huge collection of nice clothes hangers in the garage, all totally coated in dust. I spent a lot of time Tuesday cleaning them all, running batches through the quick clean cycle on the dishwasher, sorting them, and getting the hanger situation in our existing closets straightened out. Today I packed up all the ones going to the animal shelter thrift shop. Phew. I also have a small box of clean black hangers for the closet in our new library/guest room. And another box full that will go to the laundry room.
What a dopey, time-consuming job. But necessary. And with a really good set of outcomes. Joan Crawford would be proud of me, and I'm rather happy with myself, too.
For reasons I won't even go into now, I had a huge collection of nice clothes hangers in the garage, all totally coated in dust. I spent a lot of time Tuesday cleaning them all, running batches through the quick clean cycle on the dishwasher, sorting them, and getting the hanger situation in our existing closets straightened out. Today I packed up all the ones going to the animal shelter thrift shop. Phew. I also have a small box of clean black hangers for the closet in our new library/guest room. And another box full that will go to the laundry room.
What a dopey, time-consuming job. But necessary. And with a really good set of outcomes. Joan Crawford would be proud of me, and I'm rather happy with myself, too.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
2008: Week One at The Estate
You know. The Estate. Well, we have to have something to call it. Our land is 3.7 acres, but except for a small building pad, it's so steep you can't even walk on it. Deer can walk on it. Not people. '"The Building Site" has too many words. "The Estate" is short and simple.
Randy spent a lot of time January 1 and 2 planting at The Estate. He hopes to return the land to its former vegetal glory on the one hand, and increase the number of oak trees on the other. Eventually the existing mature oaks will die, so it's important to have young 'uns to take over. In anticipation of predicted rain (it came, a LOT of it!), he planted coffee berries, toyons, and something else I can't remember. And acorns. Hundreds of acorns. Acorns we harvested from the trees on site a while back, that have been resting and wintering in our refrigerator.
While it rained, we were in San Francisco at Pearson's national sales meeting. Pearson being Randy's publisher. He attended to launch the second edition of his first book. I tagged along to eat, socialize, be a bum, and shop. Damn, I'm developing a taste for Italian leather bags. Now we're home again. Randy's teaching full-time this quarter. I'm pursuing my clean-out-pack-up-and-move-stuff-to-the-storage-locker project. And generally working very hard to get and stay organized. It's going to be an intense year.
Randy spent a lot of time January 1 and 2 planting at The Estate. He hopes to return the land to its former vegetal glory on the one hand, and increase the number of oak trees on the other. Eventually the existing mature oaks will die, so it's important to have young 'uns to take over. In anticipation of predicted rain (it came, a LOT of it!), he planted coffee berries, toyons, and something else I can't remember. And acorns. Hundreds of acorns. Acorns we harvested from the trees on site a while back, that have been resting and wintering in our refrigerator.
While it rained, we were in San Francisco at Pearson's national sales meeting. Pearson being Randy's publisher. He attended to launch the second edition of his first book. I tagged along to eat, socialize, be a bum, and shop. Damn, I'm developing a taste for Italian leather bags. Now we're home again. Randy's teaching full-time this quarter. I'm pursuing my clean-out-pack-up-and-move-stuff-to-the-storage-locker project. And generally working very hard to get and stay organized. It's going to be an intense year.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
The Garage and The Storage Locker
Happy New Year! I'm so excited! 2008 is the Year of The House. I doubt there will be one boring day out of the entire 366. Even the last few days have been lots of fun. One night was dinner at Jan and Kirk's house with Nick. We talked of Nick's involvement with SLO Green Build, Jan and Kirk's wonderful RV trip to southeast Canada, Randy's trip to India, and, of course, The House since we are all interested in environmental and energy issues. Followed the next day by lunch at the Madonna Inn's Copper Coffeehouse with Wayne and Scott, friend Jim, and their wonderful beagle Eddie. Capped today by lunch with my cousin Marty and her daughter Julie who was visiting from Denver. I love these people. It was so great to see them all.
I promised a few words about the garage and the storage locker. One of the many reasons for building this new house is so that I will finally have room to pursue all my creative interests, especially weaving. I have 4 looms, but there isn't room here for 2 of them: my father's rug loom, and my 16-shaft Macomber. At the moment, like good Californians, our garage is packed with stuff that won't fit in the house. Obviously, boxes of weaving yarn and looms in pieces jammed into the garage aren't of much use to me here and now, so I'm bit by bit going through all this stuff, tossing and organizing where necessary, and carting things to a storage locker just a couple miles from the new house site. Bit by bit, nearly everything in this house will end up in storage there as we prepare to move.
There's nothing easy about this phase of the task: the garage. It's often overwhelming and frequently emotional as I shed stuff that just isn't relevant to my life anymore, however much it once was. I recently read a bit of clarifying advice about cleaning out: if it isn't immediately useful or deemed beautiful, get rid of it. I'll admit that my definition of "immediately useful" is a little loose. For example, I probably need never buy more weaving yarn, other than some basic black, of course. And beauty is clearly in the eyes of the beholder. Still, I love getting cleaned out, cleaned up and organized. When the house is ready for us, all we'll have to do is move stuff from the storage locker into the new house. Everything will be boxed and labelled. So far I've moved my basic weaving yarn into the locker along with boxes of fabric for weaving rugs. To-be-dyed yarn is now organized and boxed, ready to go into storage. Each day I resolve to tackle another box or pile or stuff, making that fateful decision: useful or beautiful? or not?
I promised a few words about the garage and the storage locker. One of the many reasons for building this new house is so that I will finally have room to pursue all my creative interests, especially weaving. I have 4 looms, but there isn't room here for 2 of them: my father's rug loom, and my 16-shaft Macomber. At the moment, like good Californians, our garage is packed with stuff that won't fit in the house. Obviously, boxes of weaving yarn and looms in pieces jammed into the garage aren't of much use to me here and now, so I'm bit by bit going through all this stuff, tossing and organizing where necessary, and carting things to a storage locker just a couple miles from the new house site. Bit by bit, nearly everything in this house will end up in storage there as we prepare to move.
There's nothing easy about this phase of the task: the garage. It's often overwhelming and frequently emotional as I shed stuff that just isn't relevant to my life anymore, however much it once was. I recently read a bit of clarifying advice about cleaning out: if it isn't immediately useful or deemed beautiful, get rid of it. I'll admit that my definition of "immediately useful" is a little loose. For example, I probably need never buy more weaving yarn, other than some basic black, of course. And beauty is clearly in the eyes of the beholder. Still, I love getting cleaned out, cleaned up and organized. When the house is ready for us, all we'll have to do is move stuff from the storage locker into the new house. Everything will be boxed and labelled. So far I've moved my basic weaving yarn into the locker along with boxes of fabric for weaving rugs. To-be-dyed yarn is now organized and boxed, ready to go into storage. Each day I resolve to tackle another box or pile or stuff, making that fateful decision: useful or beautiful? or not?
Friday, December 28, 2007
Permits, Cowboys and Doors
What an exciting couple of days it's been on the house front! Yesterday we signed the application and wrote out yet another check to submit our house plans for permitting. Because we submitted quickly to beat changes to the UBC on January 1 that would do nothing but cost us money, we'll no doubt have a rather extensive plan check process, but that's okay. At least we're in the pipeline (along with a lot of other people who are also beating the changes). We've got plenty of other things to do during the next month before we start asking the building department what's happened with our plans.
Today Santa Claus arrived in the form of our purchases made at Antiques Warehouse in Santa Fe earlier this month. The driver was a truly delightful character, something of a New Mexico cowboy. We liked him so much we'd buy more stuff from Antiques Warehouse just to visit with him again. He's one of those people you encounter now and again who obviously has lived a very different life and you just want to get to know him better to learn what he's all about. I wish this guy could have stayed for lunch, to tell you the truth. I particularly admired his hat band. Turned out to have been braided of horsehair by a friend of his, a Native American, who is serving life without parole for a drunken murder. See what I mean?
Santa brought an antique cattle yoke with 4 hand-wrought iron coat hooks attached that will go in our mud room. The second piece is a small antique Mexican pantry door (and I do mean small, maybe 20" square) that will be used as a truth window in a straw bale wall, probably in the library since there's a little red paint on it and the library and its bathroom are kind of red in theme. Third is an antique Mexican chest that will be the vanity in the library bathroom. Very simple, but with tons of character. The cream of the crop is 2 pairs of Mexican mesquite doors. These old doors were made in pairs, each panel about 18" wide, to be used as French doors. We'll probably attach them, hang them on barn door hardware, and use them between the master bedroom and its bath and walk-in closet. At least that's the current plan.
Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about the garage and the storage locker. Not such an exciting tale, but an important chapter of the story nonetheless.
Today Santa Claus arrived in the form of our purchases made at Antiques Warehouse in Santa Fe earlier this month. The driver was a truly delightful character, something of a New Mexico cowboy. We liked him so much we'd buy more stuff from Antiques Warehouse just to visit with him again. He's one of those people you encounter now and again who obviously has lived a very different life and you just want to get to know him better to learn what he's all about. I wish this guy could have stayed for lunch, to tell you the truth. I particularly admired his hat band. Turned out to have been braided of horsehair by a friend of his, a Native American, who is serving life without parole for a drunken murder. See what I mean?
Santa brought an antique cattle yoke with 4 hand-wrought iron coat hooks attached that will go in our mud room. The second piece is a small antique Mexican pantry door (and I do mean small, maybe 20" square) that will be used as a truth window in a straw bale wall, probably in the library since there's a little red paint on it and the library and its bathroom are kind of red in theme. Third is an antique Mexican chest that will be the vanity in the library bathroom. Very simple, but with tons of character. The cream of the crop is 2 pairs of Mexican mesquite doors. These old doors were made in pairs, each panel about 18" wide, to be used as French doors. We'll probably attach them, hang them on barn door hardware, and use them between the master bedroom and its bath and walk-in closet. At least that's the current plan.
Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about the garage and the storage locker. Not such an exciting tale, but an important chapter of the story nonetheless.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
A New Year A Little Early
We're 9 days short of 2008, but it's time to fulfill one resolution: to revive my blog. To follow up from my last post, the entire last AI season turned out to be a snore. But life goes on. 2008 will be a Big Year for us. We will be building our straw-bale, passive-solar house. In fact, in just 5 days the plans will be submitted for permitting. We've all been working very hard on the plans for many months: me and the architect, Randy when he's been in the country, the builder, the engineer, the draftspeople, and who knows who all else. Building a house truly is a team sport.
So, there will be lots more to come. Just today it's been a very quiet day as I'm whittling away at the pile of paper on my work table. Catching up on email. That sort of thing. Our usual Sunday breakfast with friends at a local coffee shop. Change the sheets and do some laundry. An afternoon break at Starbuck's.
So, there will be lots more to come. Just today it's been a very quiet day as I'm whittling away at the pile of paper on my work table. Catching up on email. That sort of thing. Our usual Sunday breakfast with friends at a local coffee shop. Change the sheets and do some laundry. An afternoon break at Starbuck's.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
American Idol 2007
Okay, 2 posts in 1 day can't be done, but I'm doin' it.
Remember Taylor Hicks? I knew he'd win last year because he stopped me dead in my tracks the first time I heard his AI audition.
I watched the auditions this year (missed the single Hollywood Week show) and thought I'd heard this year's The One, but wasn't sure. So I watched very carefully last night (the men) and tonight (the women) since the one I'd heard that very nearly stopped me in my tracks did make it to the final 24. Well, dang sisters and brothers! Looks like I'll be spending a lot of time voting again this year.
Here she is (it's a she): The One. Even Simon said of her performance, "You might as well tell the other 23 to book their plane tickets home." (We hope it's not on Jet Blue.) It's Lakisha Jones. She sang the character Effie's Big Song from Dreamgirls, "You're Gonna Love Me," or something like that. The role for which AI alum Jennifer Hudson is nominated for an Oscar. Get out, Jennifer. And I mean that literally. Jennifer, leave the stage. Lakisha was head and shoulders better than Jennifer, head and shoulders better than any of the other 23 contestants. Her song choice was dead-on to focus mega-attention on her during this first round. Smart cookie as well as terribly talented. Just like Taylor. By the way, Lakisha looked stunning tonight. Another great gambit to focus attention.
I give you the next American Idol: Lakisha Jones. Amen.
Remember Taylor Hicks? I knew he'd win last year because he stopped me dead in my tracks the first time I heard his AI audition.
I watched the auditions this year (missed the single Hollywood Week show) and thought I'd heard this year's The One, but wasn't sure. So I watched very carefully last night (the men) and tonight (the women) since the one I'd heard that very nearly stopped me in my tracks did make it to the final 24. Well, dang sisters and brothers! Looks like I'll be spending a lot of time voting again this year.
Here she is (it's a she): The One. Even Simon said of her performance, "You might as well tell the other 23 to book their plane tickets home." (We hope it's not on Jet Blue.) It's Lakisha Jones. She sang the character Effie's Big Song from Dreamgirls, "You're Gonna Love Me," or something like that. The role for which AI alum Jennifer Hudson is nominated for an Oscar. Get out, Jennifer. And I mean that literally. Jennifer, leave the stage. Lakisha was head and shoulders better than Jennifer, head and shoulders better than any of the other 23 contestants. Her song choice was dead-on to focus mega-attention on her during this first round. Smart cookie as well as terribly talented. Just like Taylor. By the way, Lakisha looked stunning tonight. Another great gambit to focus attention.
I give you the next American Idol: Lakisha Jones. Amen.
Going to Any Lengths
Randy went to San Francisco last weekend to attend a global warming conference. I had intended to go with him to research materials for the house, but stayed home instead so I could take care of our oldest cat, Spike O. Reilly. Spike is suffering from kidney failure, but is doing quite well right now with daily subcutaneous fluids and all the stinky wet cat food he wants. (Shocking because all his life Spike has been an ultra-skinny picky eater who would only consume dry kibble.)
Anyway, we had planned one outing for Sunday morning that I could not scratch from my calendar. I drove 3.5 hours very early in the day to meet Randy (who drove down from San Francisco) and our architect, Jennifer, in Los Altos at Jennifer's parents' home which Jennifer designed. It's straw-bale and passive-solar. The 3 of us examined every square inch of that house through a magnifying glass, with lots of helpful insight from Jennifer's mom. This is the first time I've ever been in a straw-bale building, the first time I've ever been in one of Jennifer's buildings. We not only loved the house, we were shocked to discover how much it is like the house we want. Who knew?! The 2 hours we spent there was well worth the 7 hours worth of driving. Of course, I did do a little shopping on the way home, and discovered a cool Mexican restaurant in Morgan Hill. Way better than the endless supply of icky fast food along Highway 101. A good day all the way around.
Monday we bought a new dishwasher. Tuesday morning it was installed. Golly! This new Kitchen Aide actually washes the dishes. And you don't have to shout to hold a conversation in the house while it's running. And a little light goes on when the dishes are clean. I'm so easily impressed.
Today? Once Charter internet woke up this morning, I made reservations and got driving directions for my friend Laurel's and my outing to Creative Castle in Newbury Park this weekend. Answered email. Got the last remnants of a sticky program off my laptop. Fed Spike a half dozen times, whenever he whined. Went to my aquakinetics class's quarterly birthday lunch. Or is that thirdly? Anyway, I was one of the "honorees" today with my December birthday. Home for some brief chores, then off to The Estate, as we call our 3.7 acres, delivering about 70 cat evacuation bags to North County Humane Society (I made 'em from old pillow cases) on the way. Met Randy at The Estate. We scattered wildflower seeds since we're supposed to get a thorough soaking rain tomorrow. We tried out a new-to-us pizza place in Atascadero for dinner. We're researching all the restaurants in our soon-to-be hometown.
And now I'm watching American Idol. The first girls' night. Mmmmm. Might have to write about that separately.
Oh yes! And you wonder why I'm not getting much of my own work done these days? Sigh. Well, one day at a time.
Anyway, we had planned one outing for Sunday morning that I could not scratch from my calendar. I drove 3.5 hours very early in the day to meet Randy (who drove down from San Francisco) and our architect, Jennifer, in Los Altos at Jennifer's parents' home which Jennifer designed. It's straw-bale and passive-solar. The 3 of us examined every square inch of that house through a magnifying glass, with lots of helpful insight from Jennifer's mom. This is the first time I've ever been in a straw-bale building, the first time I've ever been in one of Jennifer's buildings. We not only loved the house, we were shocked to discover how much it is like the house we want. Who knew?! The 2 hours we spent there was well worth the 7 hours worth of driving. Of course, I did do a little shopping on the way home, and discovered a cool Mexican restaurant in Morgan Hill. Way better than the endless supply of icky fast food along Highway 101. A good day all the way around.
Monday we bought a new dishwasher. Tuesday morning it was installed. Golly! This new Kitchen Aide actually washes the dishes. And you don't have to shout to hold a conversation in the house while it's running. And a little light goes on when the dishes are clean. I'm so easily impressed.
Today? Once Charter internet woke up this morning, I made reservations and got driving directions for my friend Laurel's and my outing to Creative Castle in Newbury Park this weekend. Answered email. Got the last remnants of a sticky program off my laptop. Fed Spike a half dozen times, whenever he whined. Went to my aquakinetics class's quarterly birthday lunch. Or is that thirdly? Anyway, I was one of the "honorees" today with my December birthday. Home for some brief chores, then off to The Estate, as we call our 3.7 acres, delivering about 70 cat evacuation bags to North County Humane Society (I made 'em from old pillow cases) on the way. Met Randy at The Estate. We scattered wildflower seeds since we're supposed to get a thorough soaking rain tomorrow. We tried out a new-to-us pizza place in Atascadero for dinner. We're researching all the restaurants in our soon-to-be hometown.
And now I'm watching American Idol. The first girls' night. Mmmmm. Might have to write about that separately.
Oh yes! And you wonder why I'm not getting much of my own work done these days? Sigh. Well, one day at a time.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Ribs To Die For From Art's Bar-Be-Que
My husband grew up in Memphis, Dallas and Ft. Smith, Arkansas. I saw this connection as a way to finally get my teeth wrapped around some real southern barbeque. Not the grilled stuff. The smoked stuff. I've yet to experience more of Dallas than the airport, but I've chewed my way through a lot of barbeque in Tennessee, Oklahoma and Arkansas. The absolute best stuff I've found anywhere turns out, oddly enough, to be right in Randy's family! Who Knew?
Since Randy and I met, his widowed mom has married a retired surgeon who has 3 sons and a daughter -- 4 instant step-siblings-in-law. The daughter's Significant Other happens to be a chef. A brilliant chef. He makes barbeque, that is, he smokes meat. He has 3 barbeque restaurants in Ft. Smith and the area. ART'S BAR-BE-QUE. If you're ever there, don't miss it.
This brilliant chef isn't named Art, though. He's Eddie. Eddie York. Eddie puts out ribs that are so wonderful they need no bar-be-que sauce. I usually eat 'em straight up. Randy prefers Eddie's pulled pork. Eddie's side dishess -- ALL of them -- are also the best anywhere. He makes the best fried okra, the best potato salad, the best beans and the best onion rings. Especially the best beans and onion rings. As in, the best on the planet. I should know.
When we were in Ft. Smith for the Christmas holiday, you can be sure I ate a lot of Eddie's food. Just about every day we went to ART'S BAR-BE-QUE or ate something Eddie had catered, like the Christmas smoked turkey. As a special treat, we brought home 2 frozen racks of ribs, dry rub, and sauce. I heated up the first half rack tonight for our dinner, served with bread and honey, and dilled potato salad. My gosh! The ribs are still to die for, even after a month in the freezer. And, the ribs also provided after dinner entertainment. Randy put a few of the bones down on the floor and let our 7 cats have a go at them. Although only a few knew what to do with them, those that did had a grand time gnawing and chewing. It was a special treat for everyone in the household, each of us in our own way. Thank you Eddie!!!!
Since Randy and I met, his widowed mom has married a retired surgeon who has 3 sons and a daughter -- 4 instant step-siblings-in-law. The daughter's Significant Other happens to be a chef. A brilliant chef. He makes barbeque, that is, he smokes meat. He has 3 barbeque restaurants in Ft. Smith and the area. ART'S BAR-BE-QUE. If you're ever there, don't miss it.
This brilliant chef isn't named Art, though. He's Eddie. Eddie York. Eddie puts out ribs that are so wonderful they need no bar-be-que sauce. I usually eat 'em straight up. Randy prefers Eddie's pulled pork. Eddie's side dishess -- ALL of them -- are also the best anywhere. He makes the best fried okra, the best potato salad, the best beans and the best onion rings. Especially the best beans and onion rings. As in, the best on the planet. I should know.
When we were in Ft. Smith for the Christmas holiday, you can be sure I ate a lot of Eddie's food. Just about every day we went to ART'S BAR-BE-QUE or ate something Eddie had catered, like the Christmas smoked turkey. As a special treat, we brought home 2 frozen racks of ribs, dry rub, and sauce. I heated up the first half rack tonight for our dinner, served with bread and honey, and dilled potato salad. My gosh! The ribs are still to die for, even after a month in the freezer. And, the ribs also provided after dinner entertainment. Randy put a few of the bones down on the floor and let our 7 cats have a go at them. Although only a few knew what to do with them, those that did had a grand time gnawing and chewing. It was a special treat for everyone in the household, each of us in our own way. Thank you Eddie!!!!
Monday, January 22, 2007
It's A New Day!
After a way too long hiatus, I'm back to blogging. Although my husband's college-age students tell him that blogging is passe. Apparently only us old farts are blogging these days. And emailing. Only us old farts are emailing. Text messaging is the "in" thing now. Forget it. I've only recently even gotten a cell phone after fighting it tooth and nail every inch of the way.
I know I have a lot to catch up on. I left a lot of loose ends hanging. One by one we'll tie them all off. I just want to mention 2 things right now. The first is that I was very nearly totally computerless last fall. All fall. Randy is working on the 2nd edition of his first book. And until only recently was finishing up the 1st edition of his second book. On top of which our beloved Mac had a parts problem. The bad part got replaced, but the replacement also failed. And then it turned out that we had to wait months for yet another replacement part. Randy gave up and bought a new, upgraded eMac. Which helped me, but not much. Only if I generally wanted to do my commuication and other work between midnight and 6 a.m. Santa finally got tired of listening to me whine and bought me a MacBook Pro for Christmas. Plus, wifi for our house. Problem solved.
The second thing is that there are moments I have hope for the world. Those moments are few and far between, so take 'em where you can get 'em. There was actually hope to be found in the morning newspaper. Page 3: photos of the 8 declared Democratic candidates for their party's presidential nomination. The front runner is a woman. Her closest challenger is an African-American man. And we're hardly blinking an eye. Then we go to the Sports page: photos of the 2 head coaches who'll be going to the Superbowl. After 41 years of Superbowls, Lovie Smith of the Chicago Bears became the first African-American head coach in the Superbowl. A mere 4 hours later, Tony Dungy of the Indianapolis Colts became the second. To quote Nancy Armour, "It's historic, and about time." I'd say that for both the candidates and the coaches. And I can't even remember the last time our Secretary of State was a white male. And then there's the Speaker of the House. Need I go on? There is some hope.
I know I have a lot to catch up on. I left a lot of loose ends hanging. One by one we'll tie them all off. I just want to mention 2 things right now. The first is that I was very nearly totally computerless last fall. All fall. Randy is working on the 2nd edition of his first book. And until only recently was finishing up the 1st edition of his second book. On top of which our beloved Mac had a parts problem. The bad part got replaced, but the replacement also failed. And then it turned out that we had to wait months for yet another replacement part. Randy gave up and bought a new, upgraded eMac. Which helped me, but not much. Only if I generally wanted to do my commuication and other work between midnight and 6 a.m. Santa finally got tired of listening to me whine and bought me a MacBook Pro for Christmas. Plus, wifi for our house. Problem solved.
The second thing is that there are moments I have hope for the world. Those moments are few and far between, so take 'em where you can get 'em. There was actually hope to be found in the morning newspaper. Page 3: photos of the 8 declared Democratic candidates for their party's presidential nomination. The front runner is a woman. Her closest challenger is an African-American man. And we're hardly blinking an eye. Then we go to the Sports page: photos of the 2 head coaches who'll be going to the Superbowl. After 41 years of Superbowls, Lovie Smith of the Chicago Bears became the first African-American head coach in the Superbowl. A mere 4 hours later, Tony Dungy of the Indianapolis Colts became the second. To quote Nancy Armour, "It's historic, and about time." I'd say that for both the candidates and the coaches. And I can't even remember the last time our Secretary of State was a white male. And then there's the Speaker of the House. Need I go on? There is some hope.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Status Report
No jokes. No photos. Maybe a teaser or two. Mostly just a status report.
For me, computer access has been scarce since Randy got home from his South American voyage. He's been writing full time all summer. Even though he'll only be teaching part time this coming academic year, and writing the rest of the time, I should be able to get at the computer more then. In the meantime---
Tomorrow morning I leave for a week-long quilting retreat with Sandi Cummings at Lake Tahoe. Sandi's aesthetic is as close to mine as anyone I know and she's a great teacher. I've been doing so much beadwork for so long now, it will be good for my making-stuff juices to get back to fiber for awhile. I'll get home just in time to do a load or two of laundry and we head out to Hilo, Hawaii (the Big Island) for almost 2 weeks in a rented vacation house on the Island's southeastern shore. The house has both a jacuzzi bathtub and a hot tub on the lanai. I intend to come back looking exactly like a prune. I also plan on getting a lot of bead stitching accomplished while Randy writes. Of course we'll be exploring, too--especially the volcanoes. I can hardly wait to get back there!
I haven't yet written about the Ghost in the Garage. She's been there a couple months now. Actually, these days the Ghost spends relatively little time in the garage. She's mostly in the house. She's small and very cute.
Nor have I written about my new adventure as an experimental drug guinea pig. A very interesting experience which is also turning out to be quite beneficial for me. Such a deal. Who would have known?
So, with those little teasers, I leave you for at least the next week. I'll be gone from you, faithful readers, but you're never far from my mind and heart. As Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on. Make it work."
For me, computer access has been scarce since Randy got home from his South American voyage. He's been writing full time all summer. Even though he'll only be teaching part time this coming academic year, and writing the rest of the time, I should be able to get at the computer more then. In the meantime---
Tomorrow morning I leave for a week-long quilting retreat with Sandi Cummings at Lake Tahoe. Sandi's aesthetic is as close to mine as anyone I know and she's a great teacher. I've been doing so much beadwork for so long now, it will be good for my making-stuff juices to get back to fiber for awhile. I'll get home just in time to do a load or two of laundry and we head out to Hilo, Hawaii (the Big Island) for almost 2 weeks in a rented vacation house on the Island's southeastern shore. The house has both a jacuzzi bathtub and a hot tub on the lanai. I intend to come back looking exactly like a prune. I also plan on getting a lot of bead stitching accomplished while Randy writes. Of course we'll be exploring, too--especially the volcanoes. I can hardly wait to get back there!
I haven't yet written about the Ghost in the Garage. She's been there a couple months now. Actually, these days the Ghost spends relatively little time in the garage. She's mostly in the house. She's small and very cute.
Nor have I written about my new adventure as an experimental drug guinea pig. A very interesting experience which is also turning out to be quite beneficial for me. Such a deal. Who would have known?
So, with those little teasers, I leave you for at least the next week. I'll be gone from you, faithful readers, but you're never far from my mind and heart. As Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on. Make it work."
Thursday, August 24, 2006
The Other Side of Commercial Airflight
The following are accounts of some interesting exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world, which were never heard by passengers.
That's probably a good thing!
=========
Pilot: "Albuquerque Center, this is United 372. I have an engine that just went out and I need to land. No panic, but I need a runway that's close to my present location."
Tower: "United 372, this is Albuquerque Center. You are cleared to land at [name of Town I have never heard of] Airport immediately."
Pilot: (Who had obviously never heard of Town either) "Hey, I'm not talking some crop duster airport here, Albuquerque Center."
Tower: "United 372, that runway is 6,700 feet long. Is THAT going to be enough for you, or do you want me to send someone up to help you land?"
=========
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
=========
Center: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Center: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
=========
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
=========
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound.
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=========
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
=========
A DC-10 had come in a little hot, and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport."
=========
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked. "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
=========
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
=========
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown Voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
=========
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff. Contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
=========
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
=========
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't land."
=========
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to ! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
=========
And another, totally off-topic, quip:
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
That's probably a good thing!
=========
Pilot: "Albuquerque Center, this is United 372. I have an engine that just went out and I need to land. No panic, but I need a runway that's close to my present location."
Tower: "United 372, this is Albuquerque Center. You are cleared to land at [name of Town I have never heard of] Airport immediately."
Pilot: (Who had obviously never heard of Town either) "Hey, I'm not talking some crop duster airport here, Albuquerque Center."
Tower: "United 372, that runway is 6,700 feet long. Is THAT going to be enough for you, or do you want me to send someone up to help you land?"
=========
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
=========
Center: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Center: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
=========
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
=========
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound.
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=========
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
=========
A DC-10 had come in a little hot, and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport."
=========
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked. "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
=========
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
=========
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown Voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
=========
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff. Contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
=========
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
=========
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't land."
=========
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to ! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
=========
And another, totally off-topic, quip:
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Words of Wisdom
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Joke of the Day
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
New Drugs for Women
(I want some of these!)
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music, cowboys, and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music, cowboys, and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Dumb Jokes of the Day
She was Soooooooo Blonde...
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
* If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
* She thinks Taco Bell is the MEXICAN PHONE COMPANY.
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
* If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
* She thinks Taco Bell is the MEXICAN PHONE COMPANY.
Monday, July 31, 2006
TOP 10 THOUGHTS FOR THE MOMENT
# 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
# 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
# 8 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
# 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
# 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
# 5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
# 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
# 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 dollars and a substantial tax cut save you 50 cents?
# 2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR THE MOMENT: We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in the US, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DMV in charge of immigration.
# 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
# 8 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
# 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
# 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
# 5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
# 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
# 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 dollars and a substantial tax cut save you 50 cents?
# 2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR THE MOMENT: We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in the US, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DMV in charge of immigration.
House Rules for Our Pets
Here are the House Rules we have posted for our 7 cats. You might find them useful at your house, too.
These rules are to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
These rules are to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
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